tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39085716808077905422024-03-18T05:47:49.524-04:00Tract Autopsies People buy these thingsLauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-60349537962696278772013-07-15T13:31:00.000-04:002013-07-15T13:31:32.622-04:00In the Beginning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I feel I would be remiss if I did not introduce you to one of Jack Chick's most infamous creations, Bob Williams. Generally, Chick tracts do not have recurring characters save for Scary Faceless God and Satan. However, there are two series within his overall tract catalog that break this pattern: the Li'l Suzy tracts, aimed at children and headed by the titular Suzy (who is supposed to be sweet and cute but comes off as a homophobic, xenophobic, bullying little monster) and the Bible Stories series of tracts, headed by Bob Williams.</div>
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Who is Bob Williams? A smug, fanatical computer repairman who has the (possibly demonic) power to convert most anyone he meets. He is so prolific that he proselytizes in <i>twenty-five</i> tracts. What compelling arguments must he make to warrant being such a major presence in Chick's oeuvre? Let's find out in his debut story!</div>
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In the beginning, giraffes and apatosauruses had a contest to see whose neck was the longest, and the apatosaurus won. Then the giraffes were such sore losers that they stood on each other's shoulders until they reached the asteroid belt by Mars and knocked one such asteroid into the Earth, driving the dinosaurs into extinction. Giraffes are hardcore.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5yDxuKzVitQ7kAO41sxV0AWbDaD24k_sonWUD9-tXgiIdTDX0yPJs6djhDiOMc-2NgZ4pGVKdV2vwkyvxvTI4iVo4TuyYnNB7CmHv1VJOOEydSYwmWy3uuo8uTUjVqCSgNBIH306g92iH/s1600/itb2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5yDxuKzVitQ7kAO41sxV0AWbDaD24k_sonWUD9-tXgiIdTDX0yPJs6djhDiOMc-2NgZ4pGVKdV2vwkyvxvTI4iVo4TuyYnNB7CmHv1VJOOEydSYwmWy3uuo8uTUjVqCSgNBIH306g92iH/s1600/itb2.gif" /></a></div>
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When I have people over to fix the ever-important bar graph function on my desktop, I always make sure to show off my dinosaur models to these complete strangers and explain the time frame in which the dinosaur lived. Dude, I'm autistic and even I know that random people probably don't want to hear about my special interest. Except my special interest is Batman, and everyone loves Batman.<br />
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Fang cameo on the side of the desk!<br />
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"Hey, my <i style="font-weight: bold;">teacher</i> told me that!" Ha ha, Dinosaur-Guy, you're such a blind fool for accepting something some flawed, brainwashed human told you about how the world works. Now allow this human to tell you about his religion so you can be smart and blindly accept that!<br />
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Yes, the teacher who adheres to years of scientific theory which has been studied and critiqued time and time again while possibly also believing in a god has been brainwashed. Not the guy who believes every word of the Bible is literal.<br />
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He cites his own publication company as a source. Can't go wrong there! Why didn't I think to cite myself on my thesis? Would have been much faster.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbjcLY2YJ-SZ7PFFAu9YHTuVj3AajLJ4jwu9G6WSeoUPiTGPvdjgzbs1-_mdm7d8e5lwW02PSaFNCIWHYXC6LAfIDFawFKUvM4Oijl4KOi9XRWpzL7h3-pNIADxKaXdVOVbDmmh_Quu2iV/s1600/itb3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbjcLY2YJ-SZ7PFFAu9YHTuVj3AajLJ4jwu9G6WSeoUPiTGPvdjgzbs1-_mdm7d8e5lwW02PSaFNCIWHYXC6LAfIDFawFKUvM4Oijl4KOi9XRWpzL7h3-pNIADxKaXdVOVbDmmh_Quu2iV/s1600/itb3.gif" /></a></div>
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<u><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_and_evolution" target="_blank"><b>Because it's impossible to be Christian and believe God's intelligent design could be evolution</b></a></u>. Wait, I forgot, Catholics are demons. And the scientific method is now a religion instead of a set of criteria used to evaluate the world around us. Cool.<br />
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If Bob looked any more smug, he'd be in an Enzyte commercial. He's already got the right name.<br />
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Those guys are only <b>guessing</b>:<br />
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Scientist 1: Check out this fossil! It's 145 million years old!<br />
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Scientist 2: How'd you figure that out? Carbon dating? Superposition?<br />
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Scientist 1: Nah, man, I just guessed. You think I'm gonna look stuff up when I could be playing Galaga?<br />
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Bob Williams, and by extension, Jack Chick, is incapable of understanding that science does not concern itself with deities. Science studies observable data, not matters of faith. Evolution isn't some attempt to spit in God's eye: there's no big rule of science that says "GOD HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS, BURN A BIBLE OR YOU'RE OUT OF THE PROFESSION."<br />
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Uh, no Bob, you can't tell us the exact day. "On the first day" is not a date. It's just some random day that, according to you, happened at some point 6000 years ago.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLKqvrDL0jwnl7SUNg9KIqG6xA8zch9sNOX5VX8FaQ2PP8nE3AN5C7zw9YiaV3po-BTNM5uQTwWxFXbO3L49uFJLNvK48E6ODZdQC933G0kSlHNtjZIdpIrrDIHe-lBcL3TphN428ZCMS/s1600/itb4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLKqvrDL0jwnl7SUNg9KIqG6xA8zch9sNOX5VX8FaQ2PP8nE3AN5C7zw9YiaV3po-BTNM5uQTwWxFXbO3L49uFJLNvK48E6ODZdQC933G0kSlHNtjZIdpIrrDIHe-lBcL3TphN428ZCMS/s1600/itb4.gif" /></a></div>
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Why is this page a lower quality scan than the others?<br />
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Scientists disagree with each other because they study <i>theory.</i> They don't claim to have all the answers. They don't even refer to their theories as <i>facts</i>. And while some points of evolution are disputed, the basic theory has been accepted in the community for ages.<br />
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Because nobody <i>ever</i> argues about interpretations of the Bible.<br />
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Still waiting on that exact day, Bob. "In the beginning" sure isn't a date.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvtoQBzQyZJauHBEmVx8QPrTpzaMP3qLyi6l1OsL1LtlaijvViY4dm675Vk9al1yAA1XWmot2MV1fMhdYpfA_GH3ixwgPaS8ab-qOEC-gQ6IF9D7E-HivUCNOkRmmwvyPiHhOoDiF9ycI/s1600/itb5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvtoQBzQyZJauHBEmVx8QPrTpzaMP3qLyi6l1OsL1LtlaijvViY4dm675Vk9al1yAA1XWmot2MV1fMhdYpfA_GH3ixwgPaS8ab-qOEC-gQ6IF9D7E-HivUCNOkRmmwvyPiHhOoDiF9ycI/s1600/itb5.gif" /></a></div>
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Bob, maybe you should be less involved with quoting the Bible and do something useful, like finish fixing Dino-Guy's computer or exorcise that dinosaur. It's a toy and it changed expressions. Seems pretty demonic to me.<br />
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Or God could have made the Big Bang in the beginning and dictated the flow of it and what formed when. And all Bob's done is read a few lines out of a book Dino-Guy may or may not believe in. Why does he look so shocked? Has a 21st century American never heard the creation story before? No one ever asks "Why should I believe this?" in Chick tracts. They hear the Bible and either immediately start foaming at the mouth or immediately buy it.<br />
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Bob's face looks like that guy who drives around the neighborhood offering kids rides in his van. And then strangles them.<br />
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In tonight's episode, the role of the Earth and its waters will be played by a picture of ringworm rash we've darkened in photoshop. Or maybe that's the Black Plague. "Plague" and "Chick tract" are words that go well together.<br />
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Well, presumably the plants grew in the light and darkness back from day one. A better question is where the light came from without the sun, but maybe God glows in the dark. Anyway, if He's omnipotent, He could make light from nothing or allow plants to grow without it.<br />
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<u><b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdOPBP9vuZA" target="_blank">Haw haw!</a></b></u><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVsY3npyTukpLT0EL-3nhahyC-n2jyFhYU97lS5M2Vd60YrEx6sLz-OuDEjLXhN_LLXpLELenfYlqCZYVJnGYivi45qQBZknLv_QA-an4UeiiKKEPfrgtdRdsd8D0-V16xv3Bf-1kMfCHa/s1600/itb7.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVsY3npyTukpLT0EL-3nhahyC-n2jyFhYU97lS5M2Vd60YrEx6sLz-OuDEjLXhN_LLXpLELenfYlqCZYVJnGYivi45qQBZknLv_QA-an4UeiiKKEPfrgtdRdsd8D0-V16xv3Bf-1kMfCHa/s1600/itb7.gif" /></a></div>
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No. No, they did not have to be real days, because again, <i>omnipotence. </i>If God doesn't want a plant to die, he could keep it in an environment without air, light, soil, or water indefinitely, and it would live. <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+11%3A12-25&version=ESV;KJV" target="_blank"><b><u>If Jesus can make a fig tree wither</u></b></a>, why can't God keep a plant alive? Or is Chick trying to argue God isn't all powerful just to make his point about creationism?<br />
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"Oh no! His religious text which cannot be proven and is based on no observable data says the point I brought up is invalid! I have no choice but to bow to this irrefutable proof!"<br />
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Wait a second, so at this point the water is still floating around the Earth like an atmosphere, right? So we have sky-sharks? <i>Awesome.</i><br />
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And again, where in the book of Genesis does it say "by the way, these were absolutely literal twenty-four hour periods and not just a sense of time people reading would be able to grasp because it's difficult for the human mind to comprehend trillions of years"?'<br />
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"That <i style="font-weight: bold;">blows</i> me away, my brain is reeling." Because simply not believing the Bible is fact or not believing that it's meant to be taken literally just isn't an option!<br />
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Something more important? What would that be, a compelling argument that doesn't rely on the circular logic of "this Bible is the word of God because it tells us it's the word of God, therefore you have to believe it because the Bible says God is infallible"?<br />
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"And God said, Let us make man in <i style="font-weight: bold;">our image</i>, our likeness." Which obviously means that he was speaking to God the Mother and we should all convert to the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Mission_Society_Church_of_God" target="_blank"><b><u>World Mission Society Church of God</u></b></a>. See? I can make assumptions too!<br />
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I like to make jokes about these tracts, just so the hate they promote and the terror upon realizing people actually believe these things is lessened, but this one is really making me mad with the way it spits on scientific theory and education. The term "prehistoric" doesn't brainwash anything. All that it means is "before written history." The word has <i>nothing</i> to do with evolution.<br />
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But sure, education and scientific theory are out to brainwash us. Screw knowing a damn thing about the world, all you need is the Bible! Global warming is a lie! Go ahead and wreck the planet, it'll bring about the Rapture faster! God wants us to be ignorant and not marvel at the beauty and intricacy of his Creation! Critical thinking is a tool of the devil!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5MO2aZqa1huyRArO9Ing3sNwzrah08TKXGiqAr-4sjRHJjrU1Ug3CNVPmLunptlhArqHzFsg0iOkK3iWpephpfkRy-ncW8A2gScWfSbB4xEjOBtqN9asZxZk8i0ZgC_CN3OpRhducqgwv/s1600/itb10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5MO2aZqa1huyRArO9Ing3sNwzrah08TKXGiqAr-4sjRHJjrU1Ug3CNVPmLunptlhArqHzFsg0iOkK3iWpephpfkRy-ncW8A2gScWfSbB4xEjOBtqN9asZxZk8i0ZgC_CN3OpRhducqgwv/s1600/itb10.gif" /></a></div>
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"Bob, are you telling me things that should have already been apparent based on the conversation so far?"<br />
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Gee, I sure am going to trust that grainy, unclear photo being given out by company that publishes books about how Catholics have secret abortion tunnels between churches and nunneries. By the way, here's a quote from <a href="http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/paluxy/dvsp.html" target="_blank"><b><u>an article about Dinosaur Valley State Park</u></b></a>, where those footprints are found:<br />
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<b>What about the "Man Tracks?"</b> </blockquote>
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Most of the Paluxy sites once claimed to contain human prints are outside DVSP, and have been shown to consist of a variety of misidentified phemona (see the <a href="http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/paluxy.html" target="_blank"><b><u>Paluxy web site</u></b></a>.) However, one of the "man track" sites called the "State Park Shelf" is next to the Main Site described above, on a shelf about a meter above the main track layer. Unlike other alleged "man tracks" outside the park, many of which are forms of elongate dinosaur tracks, the State Park Shelf markings are not prints of any kind, but rather erosional markings and other irregularities of the rock surface. Often these were selectively highlighted with water or other substances during photography to encourage human shapes. However, without such selective highlighting their human resemblance is largely lost. Indeed, the entire shelf is covered with countless depressions of all shapes and sizes, but no distinct or convincing prints of any kind. In contrast, the nearby Main Site contains many well-preserved dinosaur tracts.</blockquote>
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<b>God doesn't lie, but Jack Chick does.</b><br />
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"Roughly <b>6000</b> years ago. I'm not going to cite any source for that, not even from Chick Publications. You'll just have to believe it before your nose overwhelms your whole face and suffocates you into Hell."<br />
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Wait, 6000 years ago? Hey Jack, in your other anti-evolution tract, <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0055/0055_01.asp" target="_blank"><b><u>Big Daddy?</u></b></a>, the nameless fundie there says that an ordinary human skull was found dating back 212 million years. So you can't even make up your mind in your own tracts about whether the Earth is millions or thousands of years old. Gee, could you just be making things up to manipulate people?<br />
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Adam still existed before a system of recorded history (it's not like God gave Adam the book of Genesis to wander around with), so he was still <i>prehistoric.</i> Because prehistory has nothing to do with evolution.<br />
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"Adam was our <b><i>first</i></b> relative and God decided to punish all of us for what he did! You're really going to <b><i>hate</i></b> my horrible, monstrous version of God!"<br />
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"The instant Adam was created, he could <b>speak.</b> And he spoke good ol' fashioned Amurrican, just as God intended."<br />
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Is God wearing a hood in panel two or does his robe just merge into his neck?<br />
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"[O]f every fruit in the garden thou mayest <b>freely</b> cat..." Seriously, look at that quote. It says cat.<br />
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Given that there was no death in Eden, and prior to eating the fruit Adam and Eve had no knowledge of evil, and thus no knowledge of doing wrong, this is akin to telling your two year old "Don't eat that rat poison or you'll die" and then leaving them alone with it. There's a reason most people think of these stories as parables. Because if you try to apply real world logic to them, they cease to make any sense and make God look like a dick.<br />
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"<b><i>Adam got the message</i></b>..." God had Adam's number, and called him maybe, but it went straight to voice mail.<br />
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In the Garden of Eden, it appears that rabbits were one-fourth the size of men.<br />
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Just like women, always starting the drama. Did I mention Chick's a misogynist?<br />
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I like Eve's vacant, Bride of Frankenstein-esque stare. "I was created for <i>him</i>? You couldn't have made someone in your image a little prettier?"<br />
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Shouldn't the serpent look like, you know, a <i>serpent</i>, just with legs? This looks like a dinosaur crossed with a hand puppet. And why is it standing up?<br />
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See, everybody, Satan was clever, and that's why knowledge is evil. Never mind that God is also intelligent. Learning is the way of devils!<br />
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Okay, I just went back and read the story of Adam and Eve's fall from grace in Genesis. The verse immediately after the serpent's words in Panel One is Genesis 3:6. And here is that verse, in its entirety, King James Version:<br />
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And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.</blockquote>
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Nowhere in there does it mention anything about Eve desiring "more than <i>anything</i>" to be a god. It doesn't mention being like a god. It mentions being wise, which is not synonymous with godly. For all Chick knows, maybe Eve decided it would be okay because being wise would make them better able to serve and please God, and He wouldn't be angry after all. But no, Chick hates women, so Eve wanted to be all powerful.<br />
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It looks like the serpent is a terrible fan art of Mushu from <i>Mulan.</i><br />
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And again, it seems kind of hard to know something is wrong if you can't understand the concept of evil.<br />
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For a second I thought Adam and Eve were standing on the moon or something and we were seeing planets behind them. If you're that bad at making a tree recognizable, perhaps it's time to let someone who can actually draw have a go.<br />
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And they didn't blame each other; Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. So not only is Chick making things up to make Eve look like a bickering shrew, but he's also lying about the word of God. Way to blaspheme, dude.<br />
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Where in the Bible does it say Death is a creature? Or a creature with a robe and scythe at that? Scythes didn't even exist yet. Maybe this is all some sort of parody and Bob Williams is supposed to be an example of what not to do and say as a Christian. Except that would mean Chick knows what a parody is.<br />
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Way to throw in the angel's flaming sword with no explanation. I'm sure that won't confuse all two of the people in the US who haven't heard this story before.<br />
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"His kid brother"? Is Bob Williams trying to show that he is down with the kids? Because it isn't working.<br />
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Well, maybe we would have the ability to be better than Adam if we weren't born already tainted by original sin. After all, Bob and his ilk don't believe in infant baptism, so no chance of original sin being washed away before the child is old enough to consciously sin.<br />
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Usually I try not to bring comparisons to Nazis into arguments, but given Chick's love of making his villains look like Jewish stereotypes (short, big noses, hairy, etc.), I can't help but notice that if you squint at a picture of Bob he looks like Hitler.<br />
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You could hammer in nails with that chin.<br />
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Silly Dino-Guy, that was a rhetorical question. Bob doesn't care about anything you have to say; he just wants to hear his own voice.<br />
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Okay, let's play along with the absurd premise that someone living in America who hasn't been under a rock for his entire life has never heard of the Bible, the creation story, or Jesus dying for humanity's sins. And he's still going to Hell anyway? Even though he has no idea how to be saved? Why does Chick think that his depiction of God is going to convert anybody, again?<br />
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Get it? He has bushes outside with fruit. Oh Chick, you master of subtlety!<br />
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Heh, born this way. Because homosexuality is a sinful choice, geddit? Chick, you're not witty.<br />
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Why should I listen to Bob again? He still hasn't noticed the possessed dinosaur. Some man of God.<br />
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I'm pretty sure God didn't leave Heaven, considering that His voice is mentioned in the Bible as coming <i>from</i> Heaven when he speaks after Jesus's baptism. He can be in two places at once. But I guess that's not as dramatic as Bob wants to tell it.<br />
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Even for a Chick tract, that is one dark, sketchy John 3:16 image. I know he recycles art all the time, but this one looks like we're looking at a Xerox of a Xerox of a Xerox of a Xerox...<br />
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That or he made the image with a rubber stamp and way too much ink.<br />
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Uh, didn't the serpent bring us death? Or at least Eve, since she was the first human to eat the fruit? I'd have thought Chick would love to blame Eve.<br />
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I would love to see someone try to proselytize Chick tract-style, and then just stand there, stammering and dumbfounded, when the person they're witnessing to asks "Why should I believe that?" instead of instantly converting.<br />
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That was Bob Williams, people. And he only gets more smug and obnoxious from here.Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-45511063500342824172013-06-14T23:27:00.001-04:002013-06-14T23:27:28.365-04:00Why is Mary Crying?If you are anything like my mother, when you read the dissection for the 2013 rewrite of <i>The Last Generation,</i> in between laughing at the ridiculousness of everything in the tract, you may have asked why Chick kept Mary around as the Mother Goddess when that future decried Jesus.<br />
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Well, this tract answers that. And regardless of whether you're an atheist, a non-Christian, a Catholic, or even a Christian who rejects the immaculate conception and veneration of Mary, it will still be an incredibly stupid answer.<br />
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For bonus points, we'll also get a glimpse of Chick's massive issues with women!<br />
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It's okay, Mary. I'd cry too if I were in a Chick tract.<br />
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Interesting how Mary's veil is adorned with jewels here, as Catholics so often depict her. I know it's Chick's desperate attempt to convince the Catholics that he understands and sympathizes with how they've been tricked into devil worship, but as usual it comes off as Chick delighting in depicting the things he considers Satanic.<br />
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Even in Chick's bizarre view of the Bible, I'm sure he thinks Mary is in Heaven. Is he implying that you can have a broken heart and intense sorrow in Heaven? That goes against the entire purpose of a paradisaical afterlife. Also, making up nonsense about what Mary's doing now is pretty much blasphemy, I'd say.<br />
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Poor Mary. Women don't <i>want</i> love or respect!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwjHI2L_qfaTyGnXAhQJal68-d74czCbIaLYkVvQdfHlmVZ6WKOpOEiQcmiCSBHRR7y6hs9w998r3xdQsRg0Ysk61mQUws-ZzeNh1Fj_N3jt_HsFdJZqo_wSiG6wX7AeDgAUnI5KIerNBF/s1600/mc3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwjHI2L_qfaTyGnXAhQJal68-d74czCbIaLYkVvQdfHlmVZ6WKOpOEiQcmiCSBHRR7y6hs9w998r3xdQsRg0Ysk61mQUws-ZzeNh1Fj_N3jt_HsFdJZqo_wSiG6wX7AeDgAUnI5KIerNBF/s1600/mc3.gif" /></a></div>
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Really, Jack? You couldn't expend the energy to just draw a few Catholics kneeling before a Mary statue? Or did you just not trust the audience to realize your artwork was depicting Catholics? Actually, in the latter case going with a photo was probably the right choice.<br />
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<b>But they have not done what she asked them to do.</b><br />
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I <i>suppose</i> he has a point. After all, Mary said "...for, behold, henceforth all generations shall call me blessed" (Luke 1: 48, KJV). And as we all know, it's the fundamentalists like Jack Chick who respect this verse and call her the Blessed Virgin Mary, and not those unfaithful Catholics - oh wait.<br />
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Then again, maybe we're not supposed to take Mary's word for it, as she's not a deity. But the angel sent from Heaven by God to tell her about her pregnancy also called her blessed (Luke 1:28 KJV). I trust an angel to know what God wants. I mean, unless it's Lucifer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0h66ZwDAwjnjpbvJgOzABnOvK-rXBQcCxtqtuN_l1mnhpi4FiAFwNrCmW_IMhVg5CJj3c86cQmB_FJI8eomSUUz0hkR0n28RcbVzJnQSNWS8l6G4odcMQqSuBFhRkpvVYF_uoPzbdEhEC/s1600/mc4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0h66ZwDAwjnjpbvJgOzABnOvK-rXBQcCxtqtuN_l1mnhpi4FiAFwNrCmW_IMhVg5CJj3c86cQmB_FJI8eomSUUz0hkR0n28RcbVzJnQSNWS8l6G4odcMQqSuBFhRkpvVYF_uoPzbdEhEC/s1600/mc4.gif" /></a></div>
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Mary was an example <strike>to people</strike> of Jack Chick's ideal woman. She popped out a baby and then she faded into the background of the story.<br />
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In what verse of the Bible are we told Mary thinks "(<i>Gasp</i>) But I'm a virgin!"? Chick couldn't be making this up as he goes again, could he?<br />
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What's wrong with that angel's fingers? It's like he's trying to do two Vulcan salutes with one hand.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTEOvSnXWD3jTvTuXY0SGj-mAHSVTY0tQcXQQC2ZTTYsv7T9ouQNqxINbDkLjs-xcLdcDh2x0ddxUTy3Dy_J9YDtiMCv2ahd3bGmetg6EpB4hOdJYXp96kbaNTt3L31vGCmKckn-MeZEdk/s1600/mc5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTEOvSnXWD3jTvTuXY0SGj-mAHSVTY0tQcXQQC2ZTTYsv7T9ouQNqxINbDkLjs-xcLdcDh2x0ddxUTy3Dy_J9YDtiMCv2ahd3bGmetg6EpB4hOdJYXp96kbaNTt3L31vGCmKckn-MeZEdk/s1600/mc5.gif" /></a></div>
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That angel doesn't look happy about this whole Son of God thing. He looks annoyed, actually. What, did some other angel get to go out raining fire from the skies somewhere else and this one was jealous?<br />
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"In this panel, we've replaced Mary with a lump of potter's clay covered by a sheet. Let's see if the angel notices!"<br />
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Mary did something surprising. And by surprising, I mean already known to anyone who's read the book of Luke. But in Chick's strange little mind, Catholics aren't allowed to read the Bible and don't believe in it, so he must think it's a huge plot twist.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuxV7bnxadoq9-S09KmDlYV0nbUzGvqNzTWFSBhZnECGxBNFkIOR7MFLgUU8JKrlpYodRASfRSvqWks6EpMgc2-1zlqVNFujsB8r7mqICQyBYGsKZR-sRWEhQUfNAjRIJwJ7xxDaiKj10s/s1600/mc6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuxV7bnxadoq9-S09KmDlYV0nbUzGvqNzTWFSBhZnECGxBNFkIOR7MFLgUU8JKrlpYodRASfRSvqWks6EpMgc2-1zlqVNFujsB8r7mqICQyBYGsKZR-sRWEhQUfNAjRIJwJ7xxDaiKj10s/s1600/mc6.gif" /></a></div>
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I could repeat this until Armageddon and Chick would still have his fingers in his ears, but Catholics believe that Mary needed God as her savior. They just believe that He saved her at the instant of her conception. That's still salvation by God's grace, the only disagreement is when it happened. Moreover, what Luke 1:46-47 actually says is "And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour." Which could mean that she's already been saved, as she doesn't specify a point in time.<br />
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Leviticus 12 talks about childbirth rendering women unclean and how purification and atonement must occur after birth. So does Chick honestly believe that giving birth to God in human form made Mary unclean? Does he think she sinned by delivering Jesus?<br />
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And speaking of Luke 2:21, the other thing they're doing in the temple in that verse is having Jesus circumcised. Jewish law held that the uncircumcised were unclean. So going by Chick's logic that participating in the sacrifice must have made Mary a sinner, Jesus must have been unclean and in need of circumcision and later baptism to be saved, right?<br />
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In Greek - the original language of the New Testament - the word used for "all" in Romans 3:23 was "pantes," a derivative of "pas." Pas has four definitions: 1) individually, 2) each, every, any, all, the whole, everyone, all things, everything, 3) collectively, 4) some of all types. "Pantes" was also used in Matthew 3:5-6, "Then went out to him Jerusalem, and all Judea, and all the region round about Jordan, and were baptized of him in Jordan, confessing their sins." Now, do you think that means every single person in Judea was baptized, or that people from all walks of life in Judea came to be baptized?<br />
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Of course, Chick's ilk would insist that the "original Greek" is just a trick of Satan's, so here's a different point: According to Romans 3:23, all have sinned and fall short of God's glory. So, since it says all, and Jesus is fully human as well as fully divine, that must mean he also fell short, right? Because it said <i>all.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPryDLM-KgMuj68knmFeWDnJ2O-RBjWqUhhQlSsxoEKwMU1Uk6CkvNkzlWaEPBw5yRiJVPVkL1yaqUVxSGizEmLKAfOs-PJ68IHy6zKU77c1BuLfLm0yqG9gClRvFssjakCZKUzxj6eIeF/s1600/mc7.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPryDLM-KgMuj68knmFeWDnJ2O-RBjWqUhhQlSsxoEKwMU1Uk6CkvNkzlWaEPBw5yRiJVPVkL1yaqUVxSGizEmLKAfOs-PJ68IHy6zKU77c1BuLfLm0yqG9gClRvFssjakCZKUzxj6eIeF/s1600/mc7.gif" /></a></div>
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There Chick goes again, speaking for what people he's never met think and feel. Hey Chick, don't you believe that God is the only one who knows what's in our hearts? Aren't you lying by pretending to know what Mary's doing in the afterlife? And you're so fond of saying no liar will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaOq9cO54JMy76e9o6OsU067YXvddKP1Zt2QXXMjmMBt_jf7YcYwmVqCb-sKMabDH-jUsVBRtmbe2p1X4yDDdCKSkA2yu0v5eTNLULzwPwR9Xc3zFzgszRT3MeUC989n6_Tle5H0tS7viE/s1600/mc8.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaOq9cO54JMy76e9o6OsU067YXvddKP1Zt2QXXMjmMBt_jf7YcYwmVqCb-sKMabDH-jUsVBRtmbe2p1X4yDDdCKSkA2yu0v5eTNLULzwPwR9Xc3zFzgszRT3MeUC989n6_Tle5H0tS7viE/s1600/mc8.gif" /></a></div>
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And again, Catholics don't dispute that Jesus died for humanity's sins or that God was Mary's savior. Not outside of Chick's deluded imagination, anyway.<br />
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You know she's really upset when she can only say "Sob" rather than actually cry.<br />
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<b>Mary's tears should have ended here, but I decided to draw her crying a bunch anyway, because appeals to emotion are awesome when you have nothing to back up your claims!</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA5wB40fujQp4kaMfZXOy7_WJqD4jVKgarNKouPp6jdoIwmMgZ411Ds4IKY93AWbeSOIEbeKsuJAiuA8CdQ0LfutdhNDG9GHqZoFzTkNTdxM3uT8VGJKa67K71se0PS8KUxl2RX86ud9an/s1600/mc9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA5wB40fujQp4kaMfZXOy7_WJqD4jVKgarNKouPp6jdoIwmMgZ411Ds4IKY93AWbeSOIEbeKsuJAiuA8CdQ0LfutdhNDG9GHqZoFzTkNTdxM3uT8VGJKa67K71se0PS8KUxl2RX86ud9an/s1600/mc9.gif" /></a></div>
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<b>By being forced to appear in a Chick tract.</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgruT_cDwNXxfXjMML-MZZ13eN_wanDOHqEBLYmWECM_PaXlExovJbcAoQHSIha5yjVWDrXSnogWFz-mor9a6FiYvFR9w6Qe584Uvlc8GrHBwwIsXM2sg-jBRS0ZYEqSDkj3GWkhfEtBodD/s1600/mc10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgruT_cDwNXxfXjMML-MZZ13eN_wanDOHqEBLYmWECM_PaXlExovJbcAoQHSIha5yjVWDrXSnogWFz-mor9a6FiYvFR9w6Qe584Uvlc8GrHBwwIsXM2sg-jBRS0ZYEqSDkj3GWkhfEtBodD/s1600/mc10.gif" /></a></div>
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So, she's embarrassed that people are paying respect to her as her son would and that they're calling her Blessed as she said they would do?<br />
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Here's a fun fact about the ten commandments: the Bible itself does not state where the divides between each commandment are. In fact, read in a straight list, there are fifteen instructions. People will often say Catholics or Protestants changed the commandments, but they just divided them up differently. Protestants list "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" and "thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image..." as two separate commandments, Catholics place them together. So in the Catholic view, what God is forbidding is making images and worshiping those images as gods. After all, God did instruct that the ark of the covenant be decorated with cherubs and that Moses put a bronze snake on a staff, so He doesn't oppose all images.<br />
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Moreover, in the early days of the religion when most people were illiterate, it would make sense to have statues, paintings, and stained glass to help teach. In time, that art became tradition.<br />
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Mary would never be a part of what, bowing down to statues of herself? Well, yeah, why would you bow before a statue of yourself?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdal2bRggh4_W9yheQvm1J51nuSSHaAoXSpZIVywOas4z7DB_DuJRVwul9Wmxt31f7bd1BHx3iVU7qA6rRTMUBsI0Xsb31JsoB-DmpNt3SsUsbSVhlYnGb7vxJmYaov6P6pD65Sl0u4c56/s1600/mc11.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdal2bRggh4_W9yheQvm1J51nuSSHaAoXSpZIVywOas4z7DB_DuJRVwul9Wmxt31f7bd1BHx3iVU7qA6rRTMUBsI0Xsb31JsoB-DmpNt3SsUsbSVhlYnGb7vxJmYaov6P6pD65Sl0u4c56/s1600/mc11.gif" /></a></div>
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It's never been a part of Catholic theology, or any Christian theology I ever heard of, that Mary was there from the creation of the universe onward.<br />
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Once again, Chick is misunderstanding what ought to be a pretty simple point: Mary is called the Mother of God because she gave birth to the human form of God. Not because anyone thinks she created God.<br />
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All women are good for is being vessels or being temptresses in Jack's worldview.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuxXlNt6RpFmLTSKquSPr-MraZOP-KI5McFF3fgIiuRQslMDcwrtWqoGX6aj6ihz9DXdcJ2On2M9xIDezQW8tK1xelJTD5kufbn2_EUk5Sjz19qOa47ooXs6DKN8_uArQw7R6QFoJxREtd/s1600/mc12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuxXlNt6RpFmLTSKquSPr-MraZOP-KI5McFF3fgIiuRQslMDcwrtWqoGX6aj6ihz9DXdcJ2On2M9xIDezQW8tK1xelJTD5kufbn2_EUk5Sjz19qOa47ooXs6DKN8_uArQw7R6QFoJxREtd/s1600/mc12.gif" /></a></div>
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See my earlier point about the use of "all" in Bible verses. And no one turns to Mary thinking that she also died for humanity's sins or can provide people salvation. They talk to Mary asking her to put in a good word for them - more on that later - not to save them.<br />
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Is it just me, or has the shape of Mary's face changed in pretty much every panel so far?<br />
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Praying to someone does not always mean worshiping them. Praying can also mean petitioning a person for help. If I just got my driver's license and I wanted to ride around town in my dad's brand new convertible, I would ask him for permission, but I would probably also ask my older sister with years of driving experience and no accidents to put in a good word for me. Asking Mary to pray for you isn't any different from asking your congregation to pray for you.<br />
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As to why you'd ask others to intercede instead of asking Jesus directly, well, the Bible shows multiple times that it's possible to change God's mind. Moses talks God out of slaughtering the other Jews a number of times in the Old Testament, and Mary persuades Jesus to perform His first miracle even though He says His time has not come yet in the New Testament. So why <i>not</i> ask people you know have interceded successfully before to put in a good word?<br />
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When the Church calls Mary a mediatrix, they don't mean she is a direct mediator between God and man. They mean that, because of Christ's salvation for us, other Christians can mediate, albeit it only with the aid of Jesus. If you're a Christian and you invite a nonbeliever to church with you, you're trying to mediate to bring them to God.<br />
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...Then who is deceiving you? Maybe the guy making shit up as he goes about how Heaven works? The one who thinks he can read Mary's mind?<br />
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And when did he prove that the Queen of Heaven who appears in Revelation cannot be Mary?<br />
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God does <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">not</u> play tricks on people. Except that time he told Abraham to sacrifice his son.<br />
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"Please read carefully the following pages"? Who talks like that?<br />
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Since when does Satan have the power to create anything? If Satan can create, why wouldn't he make his own world with all the sin and blackjack and hookers? Or is he just super masochistic?<br />
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Remember kids, blondes are evil, and probably any woman who says she's a virgin is evil too. In fact, all women are evil.<br />
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Nimrod is wearing a giant horn on his head to symbolize that Semiramis was not a virgin. Because it's symbolic of his penis. That he penetrated her with. Get it? It's pretty subtle, so I needed to point it out.<br />
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Nimrod is portrayed by Chick as the man who built the city of Babylon. He appears in four Bible verses total. Semiramis appears in zero. Why is this? Because she wasn't Nimrod's wife. Babylon was founded around 2234 BC, as best historians can figure. Semiramis is a mythical Greek and Persian figure, based on the actual Assyrian queen Shammuramat, who ruled from 810 - 806 BC as regent for her son. So they lived over a thousand years apart.<br />
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In a move that I'm sure will shock you, it appears Jack Chick is, unbelievably, talking nonsense.<br />
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In the words of Wikipedia, CITATION NEEDED.</div>
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The reason you are not seeing citations is because this is all lies. The Bible doesn't even state the Nimrod founded Babylon, let alone that he was put to death or called Moloch. And there is no mention of child sacrifice in his name, confessionals, or celibacy. Chick, if you have so much of a problem with celibate priests, veneration of Mary, and confessionals, then <i>use the Bible</i> to refute them. If you can't do that, then maybe they're not the most evil thing ever.</div>
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It will come as a surprise to no one when I tell you that Semiramis's biography by Diodorus Siculus makes no mention whatsoever of virgin birth or Semiramis giving birth to a sun god.</div>
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See that asterisk? You don't see the source for it on this page, but just wait until we get there. It's the stupidest thing ever. And I don't say that lightly, because any Chick tract is on a whole new level of stupid.</div>
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All women in history are actually one woman. I mean, what are the odds of more than one religion having an important mother figure? It's not like a majority of women in the world at the time were mothers and their belief systems might have developed to represent that role in their deities as well. That would just be ridiculous. Any religion that isn't King James only, <i>sola fide</i> Christian fundamentalism is all the same religion, and that religion is devil worship.</div>
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Interesting how they list Venus as the mother of Jupiter (she wasn't) but don't list Aphrodite as the father of Zeus. Also, Aphrodite was never called a mediatrix in any myth I've ever heard of, and I've read a ton of them. The actual son of Venus/Aphrodite was Eros/Cupid. Devaki is not mentioned as having a virgin birth in any text I've been able to find, Horus is the son of Isis and Osiris, and the only sources I've been able to find that even mention Shing Moo just refer back to <i>The Two Babylons</i>, which I'll address in a second.</div>
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So if veneration of Mary is actually evil pagan worship because there have been goddesses in other religions, doesn't it follow that we shouldn't worship Jesus because of the sons of the goddesses in those religions?</div>
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Alexander Hislop, author of <i>The Two Babylons</i>, was a minister in the 1800s. Other than the fact that his <span style="font-family: inherit;">arguments about Catholicism being a new form of pagan worship are easily refuted with just a base knowledge of history, Catholicism, or the Bible, well, you know you're an idiot <b><a href="http://newprotestants.com/2babylons.htm" target="_blank">when even other anti-Catholic fundamentalists call you out on how much you suck</a>.</b></span></div>
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Those evils Catholics, trying to convert people and - wait, what's the purpose of these tracts again?</div>
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So I guess Jack Chick also rejects Christmas and Easter. After all, the dates of those holidays and many of their traditions come from pagan beliefs. He couldn't possibly have a double standard, could he?</div>
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And now we get to Jack Chick's hatred of women. I'll ease into this one so you know I'm not just making things up as I go. Women in Chick tracts are nearly always evil. Either they're witches sacrificing babies and driving teens to suicide, or they're overbearing nags trying to draw the men in their life away from Christianity and forbidding them to try and save the souls of others. Even when the women in these stories aren't evil, they don't do much of anything and are always converted away from their sinful ways by a man. I know of one tract out of over two hundred in which it's a young, attractive woman leading others to Jesus, minus the children's tracts that feature loads of still innocent little girls converting others to God. The only other adult female heroines I remember are either Biblical figures or old and asexual.</div>
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At first I figured this was the usual misogyny that seems to accompany religious zealotry. Women caused the fall from grace, women shouldn't speak in church, etc. But then I read Dan Clowe's <a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/115798039/Imp-Criticism-of-Jack-T-Chick" style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">The Imp? - Criticism of Jack Chick</a> and found the following passage:</div>
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Where did all of Chick's motherfucking hatred come from?</blockquote>
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There is only one clue, appropriately Freudian, in a letter introducing his anti-abortion tract, <i>Baby Talk.</i> "How many of the millions of little souls snuffed out in our nation's wickedness were chosen by God for a special purpose?...When I was forty years old my own mother told me how she tried to have me aborted."</blockquote>
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And there you go. Much as Chick portrays Jesus as a bad boy rebel taking down the system and not listening to anyone because he considers himself a rebel doing the same, I believe he hates Mary because he hates his own mother. It's Jesus who's perfect and awesome and a total badass, you guys, and there's Mary, being the overbearing Jewish mother, trying to control him. "Oy, Jesus, that salvation thing was nice but what's this eternal damnation about? You're such a putz sometimes. You want I should open the gates of Heaven for 'em instead?" And so Mary must really be a demon pagan goddess.<br />
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Yeah, Jesus never got angry in the Bible. Certainly never trashed a marketplace or caused a fig tree to wither or shouted "Get thee behind me, Satan!" or anything.<br />
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By "carefully placed" I take it Chick means "developed from the same faith." Hey, you know who else is in the Koran? Jesus! So I take Jesus is also a trick of Satan's, right?</div>
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By Satanic posers, does he mean Satanists imitating Mary or wannabe Satanists dressing up to lead others to Hell? I hope it's the second one. That's much funnier.</div>
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Does Semiramis just stand around in Hell posing all day? I'd think her arms would get really tired, really fast. And what's Satan doing, grinding on her hip?</div>
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I guess it's a good thing that the Catholic Church has never contradicted Peter and said salvation can be received by anything but Christ's grace then.</div>
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There he goes calling the Catholic Church the Whore of Babylon again. I will address that in another tract, because it's so dumb it would double the length of this one.</div>
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Mary would never call God's Word a lie, but Chick will sure twist the hell out of it and make up his own ridiculous conclusions to fuel his paranoid agenda.</div>
<br />Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-9101334657538116462013-06-11T08:20:00.001-04:002013-07-15T15:05:09.144-04:00The Last Generation, 2013In the 1972 edition of Jack Chick's asinine attempt to be George Orwell, the plot more or less stayed consistent. In the future, America will be overrun by a pseudo-Christian theocracy that will torture and kill those who believe in the divinity of Jesus.<br />
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In the 2013 reprint? Far less consistency and far more "let's take potshots at everything Jack Chick dislikes!" Those things being Catholicism, homosexuality, Catholicism, divorce, the veneration of the Blessed Virgin Mary, people who call using religion to justify bigotry "intolerant," Catholicism, Wiccans, and Catholicism.<br />
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So sit back and hold on tight, because it's a <i>Last Generation</i> for, uh, the new generation.<br />
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The New World Order isn't messing around anymore! Gone is the ocean and in is the saturated green. But forty-one years later and they still can't finish his hat. On the plus side, the curve of that snake and the green color make him look sort of like a KKK Riddler if you squint, and everyone loves the Riddler.</div>
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Near future. Because 1988 had come and gone, and the Second Coming hadn't happened yet. Harold Camping should have learned from Chick never to provide a date for the Rapture.</div>
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The plus side to updating this tract is that the colors are now much more contrasting and vibrant, though part of that may be due to the age and quality of the scans I had for the original. That's one of the few positive things I'll have to update.</div>
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ROME, you guys. Because the VATICAN, you guys. Catholicism is EVIL, you guys.</div>
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And I see we've gone from implying the government is corrupt by making Supreme Court lookalikes to flat out calling them Supreme Justices, because this is the last generation and we're too stupid for subtlety.</div>
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The columns stopped looking like a magic eye drawing. Now they look like graduation stoles. But the UN/American flag still looks like it's pinned to a giant swath of crocodile skin. That's how the last generation rolls.<br />
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This law is even more ridiculous that the one in the original. At least there, they were denying the divinity of Christ flat out. Now they only care if you say Jesus is the <b><u>ONLY</u></b> way to heaven. But you can still say Jesus is a way to Heaven, so why not have a church that just preaches that way? As long as you never flat out state that Jesus is the ONLY way, they can't touch you and you can still get your message out.<br />
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And again, why do they care about such a tiny specific thing? Wouldn't it make more sense just to ban religion outright? I know that would mean Chick can't insult other sects of Christianity along the way, but this is just silly.<br />
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The TV no longer talks about the ecology report. I imagine the reason they didn't include it was because that would make it seem like they were validating environmentalists and global warming, when everyone knows that God gave us this planet to wreck! It's all ours; he wants us to destroy it.<br />
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Strangely, they also cut out Charles and Grandpa's talk about blacklisting Christians. You'd think Chick would still be paranoid about that, even though it almost never happens. But now we're back to the good old tract formula of one person who knows everything about the Bible and constantly spouts it off, while people who should know this already cling to his every word.<br />
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Mansions! Later on in this tract we're supposed to view Paul and Bobby as despicable for wanting rewards, but Grandpa here is thinking about his mansions, not spending time with his Lord and Savior in Heaven. Pot, kettle.<br />
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Pascal's wager again. It really doesn't work here, because in this world you have <i>everything</i> to lose: your life, your loved ones, the chances of the world improving. And if there is no God, then you've suffered and died for nothing.<br />
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I like to imagine Charles is being sarcastic here. "<i>Really</i>? I mean, <i>I </i>was the one who said all that in the first edition of this tract, but please, tell me more. I've <i>never</i> heard this before."<br />
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"I'm so excited for earthquakes, disease, war, and oppression! We're gonna get mansions and crowns and all the ice cream we could ever want! Screw everything else! Being persecuted gives me a chance to yell about how superior I am!"<br />
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I see the reprint is hanging onto the tradition of speaking so loudly about things which could get you arrested that you're audible from outside the house.<br />
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"And the darker it is in the world, the brighter these images become." I know it makes it easier to take in details and so on, but this tract completely destroys the dark and gloomy atmosphere of the original, and that was the one good thing the tract had going for it. Why even keep that candlestick in the drawing when everything's so bright?<br />
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They refer to their own son as a monster. I can't imagine how he could ever have turned out so disrespectful to his elders when they're so loving and kind to him.<br />
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So, judging from the location of Grandpa's speech bubble on the roof, and the location of Charles and/or Connie's, they're standing on opposite ends of the room shouting at each other. No wonder Bobby hates these idiots. How have they lived this long?<br />
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<b>BOBBY WON'T LIVE LONG.</b></div>
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Wait, I'm pretty sure the reason those who dishonored their parents didn't live long in the books of Exodus, Numbers, etc., is because they were stoned by the rest of the community. So, basically, Chick is advocating that these people murder their child.</div>
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"The kids call me slime because my parents are <i style="font-weight: bold;">straight</i> and <i style="font-weight: bold;">still</i> married!" Oh man. Oh wow. See, in 1972, Chick considered divorce the greatest threat to American households. But these days, gay marriage exists, so now in the terrible future of Jesus just being one way to heaven, everybody's gay <i>and</i> divorced! Because the reason we've been fighting for gay marriage is so we could have gay divorcees, don'tcha know.</div>
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What I find especially funny about this panel is that I've seen images of it from multiple rewrites. Beyond the initial 1972 text, Bobby also used to say "The kids call me <b><i>slime</i></b> because my @!!!**! parents are <b><i>still</i></b> married!" and "The kids call me <i style="font-weight: bold;">slime</i> because my parents are <i style="font-weight: bold;">still</i> married!" Interesting how newer editions of the tract completely remove Bobby's swearing. I guess depicting a world where Christians are tortured and murdered and children disrespect and turn in their own families is fine, but depicting all that and little boys cursing is just going too far.</div>
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The original tract told us that the government can't even keep the electricity going, so there's no way all these gay and later divorced couples could have the resources for artificial insemination. That means either there are wild orgies in this world or there's a lot of adopting the children of the persecuted dead. Since this is a Chick tract, it's probably the former, but I like to imagine it's the latter and these people are selfish dicks who won't adopt and help starving children. They didn't help someone being stabbed right outside their house, after all.</div>
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Even in context, that left panel makes no sense. Do people just have cats and dogs lying around in this world of dilapidated shoe box houses? Do they still celebrate Halloween in a nation that probably has no candy or resources for costumes?</div>
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I've lost track of who the bad guys are supposed to be. Am I meant to hate the Supreme Court, the Vatican, the gays, the divorced, the witches, or the Buddhists right now? I guess I'll just hate <i>everyone</i>, as God intended. Perhaps in the future, everyone is a divorced gay Buddhist Catholic judge witch.</div>
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Why did they get rid of the backgrounds in favor of blank black and white panels? Maybe the electricity <i>is</i> cutting in and out after all.</div>
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<b>I pity the fool that believes in Jesus Christ as the sole way to heaven!</b></div>
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That's the first time I've ever had a footnote yell at me. And I've read <i>House of Leaves.</i></div>
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GAH KILL IT WITH FIRE! KILL IT WITH FIRE! IT'S MUTATING OUT OF HUMAN FORM! KILL IT!</div>
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I swear ninety percent of the art changes in this thing went to zooming in on Bobby's face and making him look like he's going to eat us. I'd say this is an attempt to copy all the quick cuts and closeups in film today, but for that to be true, Chick would have to consume media other than his own, as he's the one dictating what these panels look like.</div>
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Bobby looks like he's melting. Poor nutrition and toxic sludge in the air must have mutated his good Christian genes into pure evil. But of course that's all his fault and he'll burn in Hell for it.</div>
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The "Mother Goddess" is the Virgin Mary. I know what you're thinking: But Catholic doctrine has never proclaimed Mary as a goddess. Ah, but in Chick's mind they have. So apparently, the evil Catholics want everyone to worship Mary but don't care if you also worship Jesus as long as you don't call him the only way to Heaven and you can be gay and a witch and...oh, my brain.</div>
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"You <i>intolerant</i> jerk!" This kid looks like the spawn of Satan, and the best he can come up with is intolerant jerk. Which is because people have called out Chick's incredibly homophobic, anti-Islam, anti-Catholicism, anti-<i>everything</i> tracts for being intolerant, so now intolerant is the worst word ever. Again, in this world you can apparently still talk about God without risk of persecution, so why does Bobby find this intolerant?</div>
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"Larry's mom said that to <b><i>him</i>, </b>and now<b> </b><b style="font-style: italic;">she's</b> in a concentration camp for...<i style="font-weight: bold;">CHILD ABUSE!</i> She also got a new car and a lifetime supply of turtle wax!"</div>
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And some point doctors and psychiatrists said that beating the shit out of your children does damage to them, which Chick seemed to translate as "any discipline at all is abuse."</div>
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What, no talk about the evil influence of <i>Jesus Christ Superstar</i> this time? Not even <i>Godspell</i>?</div>
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Damn godless liberal teachers, not leading children in prayer at school! I mean, we're only his <i>parents.</i> What could we possibly do?</div>
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Yes, screw revolution or helping the planet or anything. Just let the world rot. It'll bring us closer to Jesus!</div>
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I still have yet to see any Bible verses saying the Great Tribulation will last seven years. This wouldn't bug me so much if Chick didn't proclaim how the Bible is the only source for God's word and that we should talk it literally. Seems to me that he's just fine with making it up as he goes.</div>
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"You two better stop this kind of talk"? What talk? There's no conversation here, just Grandpa McExposition droning on about the Rapture.</div>
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New Age Healer? No wonder Bobby's brain is so fried. That'll happen when you try to cure a child fever with homeopathy. But at least this Healer's famous. So famous he doesn't even have a name.</div>
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They've removed the children's clapping and cheering, so now it looks like they're waving their hands in the air because they just don't care.</div>
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"Our blessed Mother Goddess...<b>The Queen of Heaven</b>...The Ever-Virgin...Our Lady of Sorrows...I can drive this point in all day if I have to!"</div>
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At least in the first tract it kind of made sense why they were anti-Jesus as Creator of the universe, because the law was against teaching his divinity, but here it makes no sense, as they're still allowed to teach Jesus as a way to Heaven, and surprise surprise, <i>Catholics believe Jesus is the only way to Heaven.</i> It's "to Jesus through Mary," not "to Jesus or to Mary."</div>
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How does one even get a scar like that? Did Ralph S. Mouse ride his motorcycle over the Healer's face? </div>
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I get why they cropped the other children out of that Bobby image - they're trying to focus the plot more - but they should have just redrawn him instead of zooming in like that. Look how sketchy and low-resolution that image looks in comparison to the one on the right.<br />
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Mental illness doesn't exist, guys! It's just the lies of Satan!<br />
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At least Bobby's learned not to announce his intentions to have people arrested before he tries to find incriminating information. Grandpa still has absolutely no reason to answer him, though.<br />
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And his question makes no sense in the context of this law. Again, he ought to be asking "Grandpa, is Jesus the only way to Heaven?" Even when he says "if you receive Jesus...you'll go to heaven, too!" he doesn't specify "receiving Jesus is the only way you'll get to heaven!" But there I go again, expecting logic from a Chick tract.<br />
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THIS WAS ALL SO AVOIDABLE.<br />
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I like how in the rewrite, Connie can't even be trusted to get her own brother. Charles has to do everything because he's a man and men have to take charge of every situation, because Jesus.<br />
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In another tract of Chick's, a fundamentalist little girl doesn't want to wear a Halloween costume for her class party, and her grandfather tells her that the Bible instructs them to obey authorities. So I can only conclude that these people are bad Christians in Chick's view for not submitting to governmental authority.<br />
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I like how they added that "twelve hours later" caption. It's imperative that we know this ridiculous imaginary timeline.<br />
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Are those electrodes on his nipples? I wasn't sure what they were in the original tract. Fred Carter sure likes drawing the pecs and abs of shirtless men. It comes up in at least half of his tracts.<br />
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I still don't understand why they're asking if Jesus is the creator of the universe when they should be asking if he's the only way to Heaven, but there's really no point in trying to make sense of any of this.<br />
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Forty years later, and I still can't figure out what Connie's doing with her hands. And look at how much her leg tapers down toward the ankle! Her bones should snap every time she tries to take a step.<br />
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Bobby and Paul are such greedy monsters, wanting rewards and not to be tortured. Grandpa, on the other hand, who was more concerned with heavenly mansions than helping his fellow man, is an upstanding citizen. It's like this should be a parody, but it isn't.<br />
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In the future, men will still rock seventies hair and 'staches and wear corduroy pants. I guess corduroy really is a sin.<br />
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What sort of free drugs is this government giving out, anyway? I assume it's meth or something, but it would be really funny if they were all FREE DRUGS and then you went to turn in some sickos and you got some Tylenol.<br />
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"Charles! We had no escape plan for this extremely probable scenario!"<br />
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Shoot to kill? But I thought they wanted to torture people until they denied Jesus. Now they just want to kill them? When did that change in priorities occur? And that Healer doesn't even have his gun out. No way is he shooting to kill.<br />
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Well, you could check under the floorboards for naked people, but that would just be too much work.<br />
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Decades later, this is still a deus ex machina.<br />
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They took out the Thessalonians verse about meeting Christ in the air, but still refer to it. Apparently we should all just know what it means.<br />
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I don't recall the crucifixion taking place on a mountaintop in any book of the Bible.<br />
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And again, Jack sure loves footnotes and clarifications in parentheses. Yet he has an entire tract about how the King James version is the only true Bible and any Bibles with footnotes are evil.<br />
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Jesus also said "YAAAAAAH WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NOSE."<br />
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Maybe Bobby would have made such a prayer if his parents hadn't thrown up their hands and said "Well, all that education ruined him. Guess he's doomed." I'd be more sympathetic to Connie and Charles if we actually ever saw them try to reach their child in this tract.<br />
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And here's the ending page. Sadly, the check boxes are gone.<br />
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Have another sinner's prayer, because the one on the last page didn't directly tell you to pray it. You're too dumb to figure it out on your own!<br />
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Read your Bible every day, but don't bother actually doing the things Jesus said. All you have to do is believe!<br />
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Fellowship is not a verb, Jack.<br />
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And now we get into Chick's <i>sola Scriptora</i> and KJV-only push. So it's not so much "accept Jesus as your Savior" as it is "accept Jesus and then do all these things to <i>my</i> specifications or you're doomed. Remember, you can think you're serving God and actually be serving the devil. Only <i>I </i>know the difference."Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-26813324582510425582013-06-10T22:45:00.000-04:002013-07-15T15:18:30.172-04:00The Last Generation, 1972<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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In my dissection of <i>Somebody Goofed</i>, I mentioned that certain Chick tracts are occasionally updated and reprinted. In <i>Somebody Goofed,</i> the tract was virtually unchanged, right down to the 1960s pop culture references. But this isn't always the case. Sometimes fonts are changed to be more legible, current issues are added in - in the 1980s, the tract <i>That Crazy Guy!</i> was changed from being about immoral sex leading to herpes to cover immoral sex leading to AIDS - and the art is revised.<br />
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And sometimes, as in the case of <i>The Last Generation,</i> the entire plot is altered based on what Jack Chick's pet issues are at the time. While the publication from 1972 is as ludicrous as the version of Chick's site today, the deterioration of his writing and plot are clear to see between the two versions.<br />
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I am going by scans of an older tract, so these images will not be as clear as in other posts.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Big Brother's nightmarish world order is just around the corner. Christ is coming soon for believers. Will you be left behind?</blockquote>
Somehow, I don't think George Orwell had the imaginary persecution of Christian fundamentalists in mind when he wrote <i>1984</i>.<br />
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This is one of the tracts drawn by Fred Carter, the other artist for the company. He's far more talented than Chick himself.<br />
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It's like he threw every EVIL cliche he could into one cover. KKK, United Nations, drugs, a peace symbol (which is really the sign of the Antichrist! Booga booga!) and a doctor's symbol. Wait, what's evil about doctor's staffs? Is it that psychiatry generally doesn't advocate taking a rod to your child? And why is the top of his pointy hat cut off when there's plenty more cover above him? And why does he appear to be standing in the ocean?<br />
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In the future, newscasters will no longer report live, but instead hold retro microphones in front of a wall plastered with their company logo. Also, seventies fashion will make a major comeback. Truly, this is our darkest hour.<br />
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In continuing with the trend of the background details being more interesting than the story proper, I really want to know what this Genocide Act is. I assume it's an act put forth in favor of Genocide, because in Chick-Land, all non-Christians are baby-sacrificing Satan worshipers, but I like to imagine that the laws against Christianity in this tract are actually the result of a previous attempt by Chick's brand of fundies trying to kill everyone else.<br />
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The definitions of vicarious are actually "experienced in the imagination through the feelings or actions of another person" and "acting or done for another." I know in the case of Jesus, the act was dying for others, but there's never an excuse for poor literacy. Why couldn't he have said "Any or all persons who openly or in secret refer to Jesus dying for humanity's sins..."? This paragraph is long and unwieldy anyway.<br />
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Wait, and now Ron Burgundy down there is in front of their giant desk? What did he do, teleport by the power of evil?<br />
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There's that world brotherhood thing that was mentioned in <i>Somebody Goofed</i> again. I take it this is referring to the idea that Jesus was just a prophet and not a divine being, and this tract is giving me far more questions than answers.<br />
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1)<i> </i>Why do these futuristic cultists dress and sit exactly like Justices in the Supreme Court? I feel it would be more horrifying if America as a whole were obliterated.<br />
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2) Why do the pillars behind them look like a magic eye image?<br />
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3) Why is Jack Chick unable to conceive of a future that is atheistic, or apathetic, or anything besides "We promote Christianity but we changed this one little thing so you're doomed to Hell FOR...E...VER"? Especially when his imagination is fantastical enough to decide that anyone actually listens to the UN?<br />
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4) These people seriously couldn't come up with a better flag for the New World Order besides slapping the UN logo over the stars in Old Glory?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU8hbTJBT4TxqhJeq0Ag27bjJeoJnWGXtlbUl3fIJe3LbE-ivAy4AIcSXbYGcgNu5Nf0x3IX5wlrQsgMMJP_OXybWRvSvYNPJha6GQVpfXCTwsaHxE4eqm4Vj3eV7hyphenhyphenaLRZmvyo-5ZstNg/s1600/lg4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="361" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU8hbTJBT4TxqhJeq0Ag27bjJeoJnWGXtlbUl3fIJe3LbE-ivAy4AIcSXbYGcgNu5Nf0x3IX5wlrQsgMMJP_OXybWRvSvYNPJha6GQVpfXCTwsaHxE4eqm4Vj3eV7hyphenhyphenaLRZmvyo-5ZstNg/s640/lg4.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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So there's an oppressive government which has just announced that it will inflict capital punishment on anyone who talks about Jesus in secret, and they decide to talk about Jesus right in front of the TV. Because it's not like televisions have ever been used to monitor people in science fiction. Certainly not in <i>1984,</i> one of the most well-known oppressive regime stories of all time.<br />
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Was the New World Order around in 1970? If so, why would Charles be stupid enough to answer yes when he knew it would bring suffering onto not only him, but also his family? If not, well, an even larger portion of America in the seventies was Christian than in the present day, so most people would have said yes on that survey. Did this all-powerful government not consider that people can change their minds?<br />
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"Do you think I'm on their list of people to potentially kill?" "Well, you did say Jesus is the Almighty on that survey once..." "No wonder my job sucks!" Truly the thing to focus on when this could mean death or torture, Charles.<br />
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Grandpa's nose is so tiny that I first mistook it for one of his many wrinkles.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNlpjwdwIu8b3ZN9ZaTEitkfkoe6qblPV3N-Ebu149zKdauT5Rz4CFdglh19srEOq9uu8Fb8iO7N9SgSy9zxObWdAA_mx_qpx3K1Rsu-Q9136BP61zWB4ccUTkrxHKnr2G4qGbUH4RSKkJ/s1600/lg5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="361" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNlpjwdwIu8b3ZN9ZaTEitkfkoe6qblPV3N-Ebu149zKdauT5Rz4CFdglh19srEOq9uu8Fb8iO7N9SgSy9zxObWdAA_mx_qpx3K1Rsu-Q9136BP61zWB4ccUTkrxHKnr2G4qGbUH4RSKkJ/s640/lg5.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Let's talk about how much this oppressive, bloodthirsty government sucks so loudly we can be heard outside the house! What could go wrong?<br />
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I somehow doubt this shack of a house's filtration systems could keep out all that smog when the government can't even provide electricity.<br />
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Charles there looks really concerned about the end of the world. And by really concerned, I mean "more occupied with trying to crack his neck."<br />
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Cannibalism, famines, and crime have happened pretty much all throughout history. I guess that's the point and a tactic to scare people into believing they better convert because the end is coming, maybe wait for the sun and moon to darken and the stars to fall from the sky before you start declaring the last generation.<br />
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A generation is 40 years, so the Second Coming happened in 1988? I guess the eighties <i>were</i> a time of Great Tribulation. And damn, missed the return of Jesus by one year. I would have been below the age of accountability and everything.<br />
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I love how Chick points out in his footnote there that Jesus said only God knows when the Second Coming will occur, but goes ahead and gives a pretty definitive timeline in this story. "Only God knows - now let me tell you when it's going to happen." I wonder if he sees the irony and just doesn't care, or if he's honestly oblivious.<br />
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Maybe the government would have more resources if they'd forced people to relocate into pre-existing houses in an area instead of destroying all the previous buildings and making new shacks with the addresses painted on the roof in large print.<br />
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"Here comes Bobby!" Nobody ever expects Bobby Sherman!<br />
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Divorce will end all civilization!<br />
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Wait, doesn't that mean the Catholic Church has the right idea? But the Catholics in Chick-land are pure evil...in fact, in the reprint of this story Catholics will be behind it all...ugh, my head. That's what I get for bringing logic into this.<br />
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I think Bobby's the sick one, yelling at his dad while staring over his grandpa's shoulder in the opposite direction. That or the New World Order doesn't let anyone wear glasses because glasses were the invention of Jesus, I guess?<br />
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"Today at school we learned modeling poses for our Hitler Youth uniforms and we also learned how we should shake hands with family members and linger in doorways letting toxic smog inside. <i>Sieg heil</i>!"<br />
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So this is a kid who will curse at his parents, but the best his classmates can think of as an insult is trash?<br />
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Building shacks and printing photos of kitties for every schoolchild - no wasteful spending on the government's part whatsoever.<br />
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When I was a kid and we learned about extinct animals, I always put the most sinister expression possible on my face when I told my parents about it over dinner. "Mankind ended this species - <i>now I shall end mankind!</i>"<br />
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Dressed like a Hitler youth, cursing at his parents, calling them by their first names, hating animals, looking like the spawn of Satan...no need to be so subtle, Chick. Is this supposed to be a bad kid or something?<br />
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"Due to budget cuts, the walls and features of your shack will now be replaced by artist's shading sheets. This will not affect your government-controlled television sets."<br />
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Anything exciting? He got a picture of a kitten with yarn, Gramps, what could possibly be more exciting than that?<br />
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When your child has been turned into a pint-sized bottle of hatred by teachers and/or the New World Pseudo-Theocracy, do not shower them with love or tell them stories about how much you loved your dog so they might understand. Just stand around with disapproving looks on your face. No point in trying to save your own child's soul.<br />
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Well, apparently they did reuse <i>some</i> building materials - that carpet is pretty 60s.<br />
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Oh NO! A <i>brotherhood </i>of religions! Curse you, ecumenical movement! See what you led to? Clearly we should all hate different sects of Christianity, just as <strike>Chick</strike> God intended!<br />
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That asterisk in Bobby's speech bubble doesn't lead to a footnote. Did the Church of the World Brotherhood censor this tract?<br />
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So what if he said "Lord help us"? The law was against saying Jesus died for humanity's sins or that Jesus was the Son of God (which, come to think of it, doesn't prohibit people from saying that Jesus <i>was</i> God, really), not against mentioning God. And God was referred to as the Lord long before Jesus showed up in the Bible.<br />
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What fine Christians these adults are, letting people get stabbed right outside their door. Then again, maybe the police would stop them from helping. Because governments <i>want</i> all their citizens to die.<br />
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Go to bed and do your homework! I can see how such clear parenting raised such an upstanding child.<br />
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How come Bobby refers to his parents by their first name, but refers to his grandfather by title?<br />
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It's all the fault of the damn godless state! Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.<br />
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Children being disobedient to their parents is a sign of the end. So the world has been ending since forever, I guess. God's taking his time with our destruction.<br />
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"He's asleep! So let's talk loudly enough that our voices can be heard outside the house again! Sure won't wake him up. Dad, tell me about this event that began when I was a college student in the seventies! This event that I should already be aware of!"<br />
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Obviously Jack Chick has never seen <i>Jesus Christ Superstar</i>, as any music with a beat is of the devil. If he had, he would know that Jesus is never portrayed as having sex with Mary Magdalene or any other woman - her song is about <i>if</i> He wanted and loved her back. Furthermore, Jesus isn't made to look like a fool. He's mocked by the crowd, but Jesus is portrayed throughout the musical as doing exactly what He did in the Bible, healing lepers, breaking bread at the Last Supper, praying in the garden of Gethsemane, and dying for our sins. Herod is made to look like a fop, the apostles are portrayed as naive and foolish, but Jesus is treated with respect. Furthermore, He doesn't speak or sing all that much in the play anyway. The story is from Judas's point of view, and most of it is his reaction to Jesus via his unreliable narrative.<br />
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The "accursed church" referred to here is the Whore of Babylon, according to the footnote. In Chick's anti-logic world, the Whore of Babylon refers to the Roman Catholic Church. I will discuss all the ways that is stupid in a later, more Catholic-focused tract, but I wanted to point that out because this is the only dig at the Church in this comic, which is a big difference from his later years when everything is a swipe at the Catholics all the time. At one point, he was capable of restraint.<br />
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Brainwashed? I didn't know Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals had the power to brainwash. Here I thought they just got catchy songs stuck in my head. Little did I know those songs were really beating years of religious education out of my brain.<br />
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It's "interesting" how the Superchurch destroyed the scriptures? In your view, billions are going to Hell because of this false religion and it's "interesting"? Aren't you full of Christian love and compassion.<br />
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I'm glad he clarified they were hide-away Bibles. Because I thought he meant the Bibles they leave on full display in this government that kills <i>sola fide</i> believers.<br />
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"You two had better go to bed and stop this kind of talk!" My only purpose is to nag and look tearful and have no interest in this Bible talk because I am but a simple-minded woman!<br />
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Look at that teacher. It's almost like Jack Chick hates hippies or something.<br />
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Whether they clap or flail about while cheering, the children of the future are just a big creepy grotto of hands. I almost expect the Healer to start singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls."<br />
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Oh yeah, I'm real intimidated by the guy holding up the peace sign with a "durrrrrrrr" expression on his face.<br />
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Wait, so this Church of the World Brotherhood is the Whore of Babylon, according to that earlier panel. But Chick is adamant about calling the Catholic Church the Whore of Babylon in any tract he can shove it into. And he also claims that Catholics put Mary and her perpetual virginity over Jesus. But this church doesn't believe in the virgin birth...I...what? Did Jack Chick used to call something else the Whore of Babylon? What's going on?<br />
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Well, Joseph <i>was</i> one of Jesus's fathers. He had His Father in Heaven and and Joseph on Earth. Joseph raised Jesus along with Mary.<br />
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What is going on with Bobby's shoulder? I don't know what perspective we're viewing him from, but arms should not look that way when raised.<br />
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So...what if the children want to report their teacher as a violator? What then?<br />
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And now his hat looks less KKK and more "Dopey." This isn't doing much for the guy in the "striking fear" department.<br />
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Yet again I'd rather be reading about the kid reporting the neighbor.<br />
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"Grandpa, I've got you in my Vulcan nerve pinch! Now I will ask you a question with Shatner-esque senseless pausing."<br />
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Man, Bobby's <i>awful</i> at entrapment. It's like when your dad tells you that you're not allowed to do something as a kid - you don't go up to Mom and say "Dad said I can't go jump off Johnny's roof with an umbrella as a parachute - can I go?" You say "Dad said I could go to Johnny's," walk away, and when Dad comes to yell at you in the hospital, say Mom said yes. He should start with "Grandpa, tell me about Jesus" or something less painfully obvious.<br />
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"Bobby, I could just not answer your question or go on one of those big long conversion speeches that always work in these tracts, but instead I think I'll take the most nonsensical option available."<br />
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Gee, who could have seen this coming?<br />
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I guess preventing the kid from leaving the house and dragging him up to the cabin with them so they could all hide out and not abandon their child isn't an option, because plot.<br />
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"Connie, I need to remind you of your own brother's name! At least, I think his name is Paul. Maybe it's Peter. You were always my favorite, you know."<br />
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If Connie has time to get Paul and then come back so Charles can take them to the cabin before the healers arrive, why can't they just take Grandpa with them?<br />
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What's the KKK guy doing up on that balcony? Is he about to jump? I can't say I blame him - I would too if I were in a Chick tract.<br />
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This all-powerful Superchurch which took over the world and destroyed the true Bible can't even brainwash one weak, tortured old man?<br />
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Mmm, old man pie served up by twin Lex Luthors. Sounds delicious.<br />
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Once again, these people demonstrate how shouting loudly while trying to conceal themselves is a great idea.<br />
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"What in blazes am I doing here? We came out into the middle of the woods to an abandoned cabin that's probably got a collapsing roof due to years of snow and neglect, we have no supplies, and my sister was dumb enough to wear a skirt and heels for a desperate hike through foliage. Screw this tract, I'm going home."<br />
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What is Connie supposed to be doing in that second panel? It looks like she's holding a candle, but why would you ever hold a candle with your arms like that?<br />
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Remember that time the UN gave everybody free drugs? That was a good time.<br />
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That photo behind Lex Luthor is a church with a peace sign in place of a cross on the spire. How dare anyone want world peace? Those bastards, wanting everyone to get along and not needlessly slaughter each other!<br />
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And now Connie's so loud she's audible even over the roar of a helicopter. Sheesh, woman, use your indoor voice.<br />
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That looks less like the body language of a man breaking down a door and more like the body language of a drunk realizing that he threw himself into a solid object rather than a bouncy castle.<br />
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"The Rapture hits." I think you mean "the deus ex machina hits."<br />
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"But they always fold up their clothes so neatly before running around...in the nuuuuuuuude."<br />
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Have you tried looking for them under that massive footnote?<br />
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The helicopters are speaking! The helicopters are the winged beasts from Revelation! Run for your lives!</div>
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Or it could mean Russia is entering a separate war while the Arabs and Israelis are fighting. I mean, this tract has made it sound like the world's miserable all over so far, so why wouldn't there be wars?</div>
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"You @*!!* idiot - they escaped into the woods naked! How bad do you have to be at your job to let that happen?!"</div>
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Uh, Mr. Carter? Your artwork is superior to Chick's in every way, but you know clouds don't actually make the sky look like giant strips of bacon, right?<br />
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Isiah 24:6 doesn't say anything about a single day, and Matthew 24:21, Rev. 1:7, and Rev. 19: 11-16 don't say anything about seven years. It's almost like this Rapture stuff is thrown together piecemeal whether it makes sense or not.<br />
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This is the last page of basically every Chick tract. I usually skip it because it's boring, but I'm including it here because the little "DO YOU ACCEPT CHRIST CHECK YES/NO" amuses me. Also, note that it tells you to get a Bible but doesn't specify King James version, so this must have been before his "Satan and the Catholics have corrupted all other versions of the Bible" kick.<br />
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"...with other Christians in a church where Christ is preached." As opposed to all those Christian churches that don't teach Christ.<br />
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The original <i>The Last Generation</i>, while absurd, at least had a coherent narrative. The tract was last updated this very year, and just wait to see how much it's devolved in that time.<br />
<br />Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-23452875876015613792013-06-06T16:28:00.000-04:002013-07-15T15:28:54.819-04:00Flight 144<i>Gunslinger</i> was published in 1997. <i>Flight 144</i> was published in 1998. In just one year, Chick managed to produce a tract that completely contradicted everything about <i>Gunslinger.</i> <i>Flight 144</i> is meant to be another argument for <i>sola fide,</i> or faith alone, the theological position that good works do not bring you into Heaven. Instead, it ends up being an argument for running like hell away from Jack Chick's idea of God.<br />
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<i>A couple spends 50 years on the mission field, trusting in their good works. But when they die and stand before God, they learn that good works can’t save… only Jesus can.</i></blockquote>
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This would be a far superior beginning if we had William Shatner looking out that window instead of this lady.<br />
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I have read this tract multiple times now and every time I read it, I forget this woman isn't the flight attendant. Why would you draw a female character in a suit jacket and little hat on a plane if she isn't the flight attendant?<br />
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"No ma'am. <i style="font-weight: bold;">Everything</i> is under control. The plane's <i style="font-weight: bold;">supposed</i> to catch fire and crash. Is this your first time flying?"<br />
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Man, some days it's just not worth getting out of bed.<br />
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What sort of airport lets people crowd around the planes before takeoff? Zambolo Airport, I am disappointed. I guess it's a good thing you don't actually exist.<br />
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"We'll be praying for you." Keep that in mind for later. It's a good thing we can't see much of their well-wishers at the bottom there, because from what I can make out of them, they'd probably all be horribly stereotypical caricatures.<br />
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"<i style="font-weight: bold;">Wow</i>! I love announcing information that's already apparent the reader out loud to <b>MYSELF.</b>"<br />
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Why is the woman in glasses in the next row up looking so nervously at the blonde next to her? Is she the one who's going to wreck the plane? Once again, I'd rather hear about the background characters than the actual plot.<br />
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I don't care what perspective we've viewing them from, the Reverend's forearms are unnaturally short in relation to the rest of him. And what angle is Ed sitting at? For that to be possible, he'd have be able to turn 180 degrees at the waist while keeping his hips stationary.<br />
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Maybe after the plane crashes they'll find out they were secretly Barbie dolls. It's like an episode of <i>The Twilight Zone</i> again.<br />
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Now there's your problem right there. The plane is alive and speaking! It's an abomination of nature and God had no choice but to smite it.<br />
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"[W]ith God's help." Keep that in mind also. The Reverend and his wife believe in God and have accepted him as their savior, and spent fifty years helping others in his name.<br />
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Mrs. Davidson's face is going to greet me in my nightmares. Look at it. I don't know what emotion she's meant to convey, but I feel like I've seen the true form of the Destructor. Her eyes aren't even level with each other. Maybe she realized she was in a Chick tract and her body is slowly dissolving in an attempt to escape.<br />
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"Tell us about yourself, Ed." "Well I killed a guy! I also joined a prison gang and assaulted a bunch of inmates before I found God in jail. And once when I was a kid I threw rocks at the neighbors' cat until it died." Ways not to begin conversations, 101.<br />
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They're trying to see who can look the most smug. So far the Reverend's got the lead, but no one ever really wins in a Chick tract.<br />
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If he killed a guy on a tanker and just got out of jail a week ago, either his first action upon release was to visit Zambolo, or he was in prison here. Why was he in jail in Africa? Did they stop in for the night? It makes it sound like the murder happened on the tanker, but in that case, why not bring him back to the US?<br />
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A murderer who found God vs. missionaries who devoted their life to helping the poor. Where could this story be headed? The suspense is killing me!<br />
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Ed's expression is unnerving me more than Mrs. Davidson's, actually. She looked like she was realizing she needed to change her Depends before they got on board. Ed looks like he wants to eat my skin.<br />
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That's what getting to Heaven is all about: crowns and mansions. It's not about being with God your creator and living your life in the best way you can for Him. No, it's about material gain. Appeal to people's greed to convert them. Why not? Chick's taught us that it doesn't matter if you're a good person so long as you accept Jesus.<br />
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"Pfft, who cares about helping others? Converting them is the only thing that matters." Because God never instructed that we should do good works for others:<br />
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31 When the Son of man shall come in His glory, and all the
holy angels with Him, then shall He sit upon the throne of His glory: 32 And
before Him shall be gathered all nations: and He shall separate them one from
another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: 33 And He shall set
the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then shall the King
say unto them on His right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the
kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 For I was an
hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a
stranger, and ye took me in: 36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye
visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. 37 Then shall the righteous
answer Him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or
thirsty, and gave thee drink?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>38 When
saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison,
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brethren, ye have done it unto me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>41
Then shall He say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed,
into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no
meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: 43 I was a stranger, and ye took
me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me
not. 44 Then shall they also answer Him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an
hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did
not minister unto thee? 45 Then shall He answer them, saying, Verily I say unto
you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to
me. 46 And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous
into life eternal.</div>
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Matthew 25: 31-46, KJV. You know, that certainly <i>sounds</i> like he's saying that those who do not do as Jesus commanded and help others will not go to Heaven, but I'm sure I'm just reading the Bible wrong because Jack Chick knows better than everyone else.<br />
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I think the Reverend's repeated use of "dear" is supposed to make him come off as condescending and unlikeable, but considering how often Chick uses "little," "beloved," and "precious" in his narration to refer to those he considers unsaved, the attempt falls flat.<br />
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"No, Ed, you don't understand. We're following the teachings of Jesus and helping others as he would. Providing for others' basic needs is more important than proselytizing."<br />
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And scroll back up and read the fourth page again. "We'll be praying for you." That speech bubble is coming from someone in a turban, which is Chick art means "heathen." So they've clearly converted at least two people, judging by the use of "we" in that sentence. They just put others' physical needs before converting them. Which, frankly, is more likely to get others to respect and admire their faith than just throwing tracts at them.<br />
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"Rev. Davidson...Are you <b><i>sure</i></b> that you and your wife are ready to meet the Lord?" Well, let's see. They've obviously accepted Jesus as their savior, devoted their lives to doing what he taught, and have converted at least two people. Ed's only converted one and he's sure he's going to Heaven. So yeah, I'd say they're ready to meet the Lord. Watch as Chick completely contradicts the lesson in <i>Gunslinger</i> about how all you need to get to Heaven is to accept Jesus in order to prove me wrong, though.<br />
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You know that feeling when you throw up in your mouth a
little?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's what Ed's face looks like
here.</div>
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"The Bible says that good works can't save
ANYONE!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Technically, yes, but
that's a gross oversimplification.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>According to the Bible, salvation is by grace alone (For by grace are ye
saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God -
Ephesians 2:8), and by Christ alone (Neither is there salvation in any other:
for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be
saved. - Acts 4:12).</div>
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However, Romans 1: 5 also says that faith entails obedience
to God: "By whom we have received grace and apostleship, for obedience to
the faith among all nations, for His name".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Galatians 5:6 adds that faith requires
work in love: "For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any
thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Philippians 2:12 refers to salvation as a
process, contradicting the fundamentalist notion of once saved, always
saved:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"Wherefore, my beloved, as
ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my
absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."</div>
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I'm going to move on now, but I'll have other verses later
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The point is, the Bible says
salvation is God's gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It cannot be
earned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the Bible also tells us it
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God instructs us to do good works, yes, works are necessary for salvation.</div>
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What Ed is advocating (as is Chick) is "screw what
Jesus actually told us to do!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All you
need to do is believe in Him!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
in that case, what was the point of Jesus ever telling anyone anything?</div>
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Wait, so Ed gets to bypass judgment entirely?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's in direct contradiction to 2
Corinthians 5:10: "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of
Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that
he hath done, whether it be good or bad." <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Chick believes that the Bible is the
literal, inerrant word of God, so doesn't this make him a blasphemer?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Remember everyone!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Accept Jesus, don't do anything he told you to do, and it's all
good!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You'll get a mansion.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Well, yes, this should be where they are rewarded, as they've
accepted Jesus as their savior, and again, Chick, you yourself said that's all
that's necessary for salvation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How is
it that this tract's message is "You need belief in God for salvation, not
works," but the couple who believed in God is being turned away for not
converting others (i.e., not performing a certain work)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did no one proofread this?</div>
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
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Judging by Chick's previous message and <i>the entire Bible</i>, this cannot possibly be God, because even in Chick's bizarre fundamentalist worldview where you don't actually have to do a thing besides accept Jesus to get into heaven, the Davidsons obviously qualify. So who is this? Satan?<br />
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The only way those verses could be taken more out of context is if they randomly appeared during a John Waters film. Maybe in voice over while the guy in <i>Pink Flamingos</i> is lipsynching to "Surfin' Bird" with his anus. Here are the verses in context, emphasis mine:<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">21 Not every one that
saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that
doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord,
Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils?
and in thy name done many wonderful works?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me,
ye that work iniquity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">24 Therefore whosoever heareth these
sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built
his house upon a rock:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>25 And the
rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that
house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">26 And
every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be
likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand</b>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>27 And the rain descended, and the floods
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What it's saying is that those do the works God commands will enter Heaven, and those who do not and <i>pretend</i> to do good works will not. So again, works are required and there is no reason the Davidsons are being rejected by scary faceless God.<br />
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At what point while drawing and scripting this thing did Chick sit back and say to himself, "Yep, <i>this</i> will make people want to convert"? Does he honestly think people will be rooting for the smug murderer who advocates against helping people if you can aggressively convert them instead? Does he think anyone would look at his interpretation of God casting out people who believed and did nothing but follow the teachings of Jesus throughout their life and consider this a loving God they'd want to spend eternity with?<br />
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"<i style="font-weight: bold;">No!</i> It was <i style="font-weight: bold;">ALL</i> me! ME ME ME ME ME! Stop trying to steal the glory!"<br />
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Again, according to the Bible, salvation is an inheritance
("Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which
I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do
such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." - Galatians 5:21) that
is given to everyone who accepts Jesus ("Behold, what manner of love the
Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God:
therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not." - 1 John
3:1).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the Bible also says salvation
can be lost (1 Timothy 1:19, 1 Timothy 4:1, 1 Timothy 5:8, 1 Timothy 6:10, 1
Timothy 6:12).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it says that those
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The Davidsons are coming off as much more loving than
Chick's God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They devoted their lives to
helping others in the name of their faith.</div>
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Though, with that said, how can people of other religions do
good works in the name of Jesus?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Wouldn't that imply that they're of the same religion?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Otherwise, why do good works in Jesus's name?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_iaB5wegmW6Z19_dZ_hoGk6CPk0fHBt5hXAoPth-J-SYehrdh2KUOrYkaa5aWTM4i0jjpWqRvEjMAN5MtQJj5d-eGMfYvBEcBqtxN_lVIhWv2Co9_r5IqHB011HBHwwBLmoSL4SkEIG4/s1600/flight.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_iaB5wegmW6Z19_dZ_hoGk6CPk0fHBt5hXAoPth-J-SYehrdh2KUOrYkaa5aWTM4i0jjpWqRvEjMAN5MtQJj5d-eGMfYvBEcBqtxN_lVIhWv2Co9_r5IqHB011HBHwwBLmoSL4SkEIG4/s1600/flight.gif" /></a></div>
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But the Davidsons <i>accepted Jesus and - </i>argh, just forget it. This tract is completely nonsensical both in terms of the Bible and Chick's other tracts. I guess this was his retaliation for people saying he ought to be feeding the poor and not making crappy comics or something.<br />
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Again, Rev. Davidson is coming much better off here than faceless God, given that he actually seems to care that other people are going to suffer for all eternity.<br />
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Why does Eve look so scheming here? The Bible makes it clear she didn't set out to destroy Adam's salvation or anything. She was curious and tricked, not a prelude to Jezebel.<br />
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For a minute I didn't realize that the narration on this page and the last were meant to be God speaking. I thought Chick had stepped in as narrator, as he usually does, and was suddenly declaring himself to be Jesus. Which would explain a lot.<br />
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Again, we see God all nonchalant about his creations burning for eternity, while Rev. Davidson is comforting his distraught wife and glaring in rage at this monster. God is coming off badly in comparison to the supposed villain. Fail, Chick. Fail.<br />
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Even if we bought the absolutely moronic premise that God doesn't want humanity to do the things he commanded in the Bible, just to believe in Him, the tract clearly establishes that the Davidsons believed in God. So he's just punishing a set of believers for also doing good works in his name, which, again, he commands in the Bible. This tract is anti-logic.<br />
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I think Chick is fundamentally misunderstanding the point of good works. Catholics, for example, don't believe that good works can earn salvation. They believe salvation is a gift from grace alone, but that it can be <i>lost</i> by failing to do the works God commands. Which sounds like common sense to me, but what do I know? I don't make hateful little comics for a living.<br />
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Why does he always draw the angels so happy when they're throwing people into the Lake of Fire?<br />
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In conclusion, Jack Chick is an idiot who worships a monster of a God, and he can't even keep it straight from one tract to the next how salvation works. Just wow. You've outdone yourself this time, Chick.<br />
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Oh, and Chick has a <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0945/0945_01.asp" target="_blank"><b>self-promotion tract</b></a> on his site that states you don't have to convert others to get into Heaven, so what is even.Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-32361690360628342502013-06-06T11:57:00.001-04:002013-07-15T15:37:08.861-04:00GunslingerOriginally I was going to make my next dissection about a tract attacking Islam or Catholicism or something, just to display Chick's blatant lies and total hypocrisy. But I feel I would be remiss if I did not first introduce you to Jack's completely ludicrous take on the concept of "for by grace you have been saved" and how it makes the theme of salvation from tract to tract entirely contradictory. So today's dissection will be<i> Gunslinger</i>, followed by a dissection of <i>Flight 144</i>, to demonstrate Chick's inability to keep his views consistent and display how horrific his vision of God is.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
A hired killer trusts Christ and, at death, goes to heaven. But the law-abiding marshal who hunted him rejects Christ and goes to hell. Clearly shows that salvation is through grace, not works. </blockquote>
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No Chick, you fool! The <i>gunslinger</i> isn't the man in black! It's "The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed," not, "the man in black who was also the gunslinger followed himself." This is a very disappointing fan fic of Stephen King's Dark Tower series so far.<br />
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Is that steam shooting out of his ears? I'd be pretty angry too if I had no neck, a hole through one ear, and a face that could curdle milk.<br />
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Oh, where to even start?<br />
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1) You can tell this art was produced soon after Chick's stroke. 2) Arms don't work that way. 3) Faces don't work that way. 4) Why does the woman calling her Grandma appear to be the same age as Grandma? 5) That look is less "terror at incoming evil" and more "welp, didn't make it to the outhouse in time."<br />
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Something EVIL? Look behind you woman, it's already invading your hanging baskets! The dreaded "cat laying on your flowers" parasite has arrived.<br />
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At first I was going to ask why Grandma had all that yarn around her but no knitting needles or crochet hooks, but maybe that's not yarn at all. Just Bad Cat's hairballs.<br />
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Fang cameo!<br />
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Wait, in the first panel, is someone dangling a cat over the roof? What do they think, that the gunslinger's a demon and they can appeal to him by feeding him a stray cat? And why is one kid wielding a snake while pointing his finger at the horse like it's a gun, while another one's about to clonk him over the head with a club? And look at that baby in panel two! Is this the severely inbred town from Stephen King's book?<br />
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Well, if these townspeople are stupid enough to gather around the scarred, angry looking man in black and loudly talk about his hideousness, maybe it is.<br />
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"<b>I've KILLED people for looking at me</b> <i style="font-weight: bold;">like that</i>!" So why not kill this one?<br />
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More Fang! Maybe Chick realized the total hideousness of this tract and decided to apologize with lots of Fang action.<br />
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Is he wielding a machete? In tonight's episode, the role of the gunslinger will be played by Danny Trejo. It appears he's already used the blade to sever that man's hair from his head. Or his unibrow. Not really sure what that is.<br />
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"I <b><i>KNEW</i></b> you would come." That's why I chose to wait in the dark with no chair for you to sit on.<br />
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"The pleasure is to play/it makes no difference what you say/I don't share your greed/the only card I need is/The Ace of Spades/The Ace of Spades..."<br />
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FACE OFF! Nobody wins, I've gone blind.<br />
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Just wow. How did the gunslinger even <i>get</i> a scar like that on his face? Was he attacked with a hair pick? A lattice cutter? Was there an earth worm burrowed under his skin? It looks like that last guess is right and a few more are about to pop out of his nose. Urgh.<br />
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Real badass saloon owner, hiring assassins, wearing flowers on his vest, carrying his cute little rat sidekick...<br />
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"The <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">PREACHER</u>! He ran up a tab that'll put me out of business, and when I asked him to pay, he screamed about God and charity and slashed my face open!"<br />
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"I <b>HAD</b> a <i style="font-weight: bold;">thriving</i> business! Now my only customers are a rat, a cat, a vulture, and a horse!"<br />
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Upon closer inspection, maybe those are meant to be dragonflies on his vest. Also on closer inspection, I originally thought he had a tiny Hitler mustache under his other mustache and that the line under his mouth was meant to be the opening. How is it even possible to draw people this horrific without sitting back and sobbing over what you've done?<br />
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"Then he started <i style="font-weight: bold;">PREACHING</i>, and everyone instantly converted and <b>never</b> turned away from their faith later on or still gave into sin in spite of it!"<br />
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Bad Cat looks really distressed about Bart Dawson potentially going out of business.<br />
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"<i style="font-weight: bold;">Everyone got religion!</i> The preacher said the <i style="font-weight: bold;">only</i> cure was for the prostitutes to marry each other, and then have lots and lots of lesbian sex while he watched."<br />
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You know, if you're almost out of business, maybe you shouldn't be throwing customers out the door.<br />
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When you draw a shadow on someone's face that's indistinguishable from a Zorro mask, maybe you'd be better off just not drawing the shadow.<br />
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I suppose the "by <b><i>Monday</i></b>, he'll be in a <b><i>CASKET!</i></b>" line is meant to impress upon us how fast and deadly the gunslinger is, but it actually makes him sound super-incompetent, as though he needs a full twenty-four hours to kill one man. Also, I know I'm not a professional killer or anything, but it seems to me your chances of murder go up the less people there are around to interfere. So maybe don't kill him in a church?<br />
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Yeah, this has <i>got</i> to be the starving, inbred town King wrote about. You see what happens which Chick tries to write fan fiction for secular science fiction/Western/fantasy, people? Horrible, horrible things.<br />
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Really, we can blame the gunslinger's parents for naming him Terrible Tom. How many options in life do you have with a name like that?<br />
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Bottlesville. Because there's a saloon, see. It's clever, see. Chick's not an incompetent hack, see.<br />
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Yes, approach the disfigured angry man and ask him about his guns. What could possibly go wrong?<br />
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Honestly, I'd be as angry as Terrible Tom too if I had such stumpy, malformed arms and no neck.<br />
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Why is he taking his hat off for church? It can't possibly be out of reverence. And don't tell me it's to blend in: look at the man. Not to mention that he's made no attempts at subtlety before this point.<br />
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Gee, everyone's spent this whole tract staring in horror at this guy, and yet he's welcomed into the church with open arms! It's almost like Jack's trying to make a point here...but it's so understated I can't figure out what on Earth it would be!<br />
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Oh, I guess everyone in this universe just has stumpy arms, and noses that could bludgeon small animals to death.<br />
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You're just <i>now</i> feeling strange, Tom? You didn't feel strange walking around as a hideous mockery of nature before? I guess it took your face melting to make you aware of your terribleness.<br />
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The implication here seems to be that Tom was possessed. In which case, say he was shot during one of his murders, and died. Is he going to Hell, Chick? The preacher screams "<b><i>Devil! Get out of here</i></b>!" and then he instantly converts. So you're telling us God will let a man driven to evil by demonic possession burn in Hell for all eternity, is that it?<br />
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"Sheriff, have you seen this <i style="font-weight: bold;">cold-blooded KILLER?</i>" "How am supposed to see <i style="font-weight: bold;">anything</i>, Marshall? The sun's three feet away from us! I'm just trying not to burn to death!"<br />
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Oh, that second panel. On its own, it could be taken out of context in so very many glorious ways.<br />
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Gosh, I wonder if those dark triangular shadows under the Marshall's eyes could be foreshadowing about his true nature or something. Nah, Chick's too masterful at subtlety for that.<br />
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This is the second time that kid has appeared in the background of this tract with some sort of animal. Frankly, I'd much rather hear about whatever disorder that boy has that makes him put frogs on his head during church than what's actually the plot of this comic.<br />
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"No matter<i style="font-weight: bold;"> what</i> sins you've committed, Jesus already paid for <i style="font-weight: bold;">ALL</i> of them on the cross. So go ahead and commit all the awful sins and crimes you want, and then convert just before death and be rewarded for all eternity. Jesus is your Get Out of Jail Free Card!"<br />
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Spoilers: That's the actual moral of this tract.<br />
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Terrible Tom looks like he's going into a coma or something. Maybe he's diabetic and his behavior is caused by the breakdown of his mind and body due to his condition. And now that kid in the background appears to be staring at Tom's butt while his mother tries to silence him. Did the frog hop down the back of Tom's pants or something?<br />
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No matter how many lives you destroy, Jesus will make sure you never face any punishment. Chick has a thing about appealing to "bad boy rebels." He even has a tract where he calls Jesus one. According to his biography, back in high school he was considered "the last person who would ever accept Jesus," so I think he's trying to harness that "rebel without salvation" vibe here. "A murderer is a man after God's own heart, you guys! See, you can convert and keep being a hardcore badass who doesn't take any shit! That's what God wants!"<br />
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Talking windows! Another Chick tract staple.<br />
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Guys, you do realize "surround the church" doesn't mean "stand huddled in a group on one side of the church quite a bit away from it," don't you?<br />
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Yet another instantaneous conversion. What we should take away from all of this is that if someone is hired to kill you, just give them a sermon. Nothing stops murderers like a sermon!<br />
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Interesting how Tom becomes marginally more attractive when he converts. He even gained a little bit of a neck. God isn't just love, He's also free plastic surgery!<br />
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"Pray this prayer with me"? Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jack. You're always condemning the Catholics for repetitive prayers and rituals and now this? It's like I don't even know you anymore.<br />
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It took him a whole hour to pray? "Lord, please forgive all the horrible things I've done throughout my life. I sincerely repent and will never commit those sins again. Please enter my heart as my Lord and Savior. Amen." Boom. Done. Pretty inefficient of you, Preacher.<br />
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"<i style="font-weight: bold;">FREEZE...</i>*oh hell, what's his name? Bad Bob? No, that's a different Chick tract. Terrible Tim? Close, but no cigar. Uh, ummmmm...* <b><i>gun slinger!</i></b>"<br />
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"You are now a <i style="font-weight: bold;">child of God!</i> Now let me saw through these bars with my freakish nose and get you out of here!"<br />
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If this tract got any more heavy-handed, you could replace it with a brick to the head.<br />
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I guess trials don't exist in this fan fic. Then again, I'm not sure they existed in Stephen King's book either, so I guess that makes sense.<br />
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The art makes it look like Tom is praying to the moon. And given Chick's insistence that Allah refers to a specific pagan moon god instead of simply being the Arabic word for God used by Arabic Christians and Muslims alike, that's hilarious.<br />
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Last I checked, condemned prisoners wear a hood for the electric chair, not the noose. I thought ones in the hood for a hanging were the hangmen.<br />
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Why is the preacher averting his eyes? Shouldn't he be happy because Tom's on his way to Heaven? Or at least be there to comfort him in his final moments?<br />
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WOW I WONDER IF THEY COULD BE MAKING A POINT ABOUT HOW GOOD OUTSIDE ISN'T ALWAYS GOOD INSIDE.<br />
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No, for that to be true the Marshall would actually have to <i>look</i> good on the outside. He looks like a horror story my cousin told me once when we were kids about a child trying to find his way home and running into people with increasingly bigger, sharper teeth.<br />
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See, and now scary faceless God lets Tom into Heaven straight away, no waiting until Judgment Day and no reviewing of his life, unlike other tracts. Consistency? What's that?<br />
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I find it funny how we're supposed to think the Marshall's evil for considering death to be exactly what Tom deserved, despite that, according to Chick, if he'd died without God, he'd have deserved to burn in Hell for all eternity. Little more extreme than just death.<br />
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The buzzard ate Bad Cat! <i>NOOOOOOO!</i><br />
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Why did the Marshall go to Tom's funeral? Was he just checking to make sure he was really dead? Afraid his potato-esque nose would sprout eyes and grow new Terrible Toms?<br />
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"If <i style="font-weight: bold;">I'M</i> not good enough for heaven, then <i style="font-weight: bold;">NO ONE</i> is. Now I'll ride off into the sunset and not die and go to Hell immediately to prove a hamfisted point!"<br />
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Being honest and law-abiding won't get you to Heaven, people. So you might as well kill everybody and drink and booze it up and then convert on your deathbed. I mean, why not? It worked for Tom.<br />
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"Another day, another heaping helping of justice. Now I think I'll ride right up against these rocks instead of out in this big vast desert where there would be less chance of encountering animals or having rocks fall on me because nothing bad ever happens to just people and <b>YAAAAH why must I always tempt fate</b>?!"<br />
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Are demons KKK members or is Chick making a dig at the <i>capirotes</i> occasionally worn by Spanish priests? And since when do demons have the authority to take souls and lead them into Hell before God's judgment?<br />
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So we're in Hell now? What happened to the place of holding before the Second Coming? And why did it take "minutes" to get to Hell? They're demons. I'd think they could just *poof* in and out of Hell whenever.<br />
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And so our moral is that God doesn't care at all about any of your actions other than accepting Jesus. You could spend your entire life going against everything he's ever taught and inflicting nothing but pain and cruelty on those around you, but accept Jesus and you're good to go. Meanwhile, you could spend your entire life acting exactly as Jesus instructed us to do for others, but you're still going to burn for all eternity if you never said "Jesus, I accept you as my Lord and Savior." In completely unrelated news, Jack Chick's God is a monster.<br />
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God loves Tom enough to let him into heaven, but not to fix his ear or remove that scar.<br />
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Get it? The Marshall looks like he's in a crucifixion pose! Because he counted on his actions to save him! But Jesus's actions are the only ones that matter! Get it? Get it? Barf.<br />
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"Going to heaven is not a matter of GOOD or BAD. So feel free to completely disregard anything the Bible says about how we ought to behave, because it doesn't matter once you're saved." (Romans Chapter 3, which was quoted earlier in this dreck to say that no one is righteous, by the way, explicitly condemns this thought process from Christians.)<br />
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So we learn that only our faith in God can get us into Heaven. Come back for the next tract, <i>Flight 144,</i> and watch how terribly Chick mangles and contradicts the premise he established here.Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-35414805365910706222013-06-04T15:59:00.001-04:002013-06-06T20:25:41.175-04:00Fairy TalesSince my first dissection covered one of Chick's oldest tracts, here's one of his newer works from 2007. This is the description of <em>Fairy Tales </em>from Jack Chick's website: <br />
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<i>They were just fantasy games … all in fun. But they influenced Harry to make the biggest mistake of his life.</i></blockquote>
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What dastardly games are these? No, not Dungeons & Dragons or <i>Harry Potter,</i> as you may be thinking. That would be too logical. Also, he's already made tracts denouncing those.<br />
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Before we begin, I would like to mention in the mid-nineties, Chick suffered a stroke. The effect on his art and writing afterward is, in my opinion, pretty noticeable.<br />
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In other news, Chick likes to take swipes at gay people regardless of whether or not they're relevant to the content of the tract. Here, they're not, but get it? "Fairy" can mean <i>gay</i>! Isn't that <i>clever</i>?<br />
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"Kill, kill!" "Live, live!" Those are the most generic protest slogans ever. I imagine there have been about five executions before Harry Garner's this week, and now they're just phoning it in. Couldn't you at least go for a catchy rhyme? "Death to the monster! He won't live any longer!" "Thou shalt not kill! Don't defy God's will!" I mean, I'm just spit-balling here. But do <i>something.</i><br />
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Their son <i>will</i> be executed? That's an oddly forceful emphasis. The governor could put an end to it at the last moment. And no, that's not a spoiler: having a ticking clock like that would make this thing suspenseful, so of course it doesn't happen in this story.<br />
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That cop in the bottom right wants nothing to do with this. That, or he's confused as to why his hand is bigger than his entire head.<br />
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I honestly have no idea if that reporter is meant to be male or female.<br />
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Chick's characters are amazing ugly. Even his "good guys" end up creepy as a result. It's like a <i>Mad</i> magazine: it's repulsive but you can't look away. Maybe that's the goal. I used to gravitate toward <i>Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark </i>as a kid because the pictures horrified me so much. With all the ugliness and fear-mongering about damnation, these tracts are popular on the same principle. That and they're ridiculous.<br />
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"Harry was such a <b>sweet</b> little boy! He ate all his vegetables and only set fire to the house once! Why, he only ever strangled two prostitutes the whole time he was living with us! My baby's innocent!"<br />
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Shouldn't they be inside saying goodbye to their condemned son or something?<br />
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. "Let's go back in time"? That sounds like <i>witchcraft</i>, Jack. Heretic! Or is it okay because Clarence the angel did it first?<br />
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So, the Tooth Fairy caused him to become a murderer. Of course. I'm assuming the Tooth Fairy they introduced him to was less "friendly creature that leaves presents" and more <b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Dolarhyde" target="_blank">Francis Dolarhyde</a></b>.<br />
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Harry looks profoundly depressed at the idea of leaving his tooth for the Fairy. "I have to <i>sleep</i> with a piece of my head detached and under the pillow? Thanks a lot, Mommy."<br />
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Either that or he's just realized he's in a Chick tract and there's no escape.<br />
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I'd be less concerned with the evil pagan influence of the Tooth Fairy and more concerned with that dead-eyed Mickey Mouse teddy bear hybrid staring right at Harry's jugular.<br />
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Gah! Look at the demon teddy! It's standing up on the bed! I was right! It's after u - SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!<br />
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For a second there I thought that was a Jack O'Lantern on the back of Harry's shirt, just to really beat the hamfisted message into place.<br />
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Who tells their kid about Santa the week before Christmas? If I had kids I'd hype that up before Thanksgiving, to make sure they're well-behaved while I'm setting up for <i>that</i> holiday, and to make sure they have their lists in order when their relatives ask in November.<br />
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"<i>Look</i>, Daddy! I'm practicing my Vanna White impression!"<br />
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See the dog and cat in the framed photos on the wall? Meet Fang and Bad Cat. They frequently cameo in Chick tracts and they're the only thing about them that doesn't completely suck.<br />
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You know, if you're <i>that</i> uncomfortable with telling your children about Santa, like these parents obviously are, just don't do it. Some people are fine with Santa, some people don't like lying to their children, some people have spiritual objections. If you don't want to tell your child about Santa, don't. You're the parent and it's your decision.<br />
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How come Daddy's name gets capitalized but Mom and Mommy don't?<br />
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Like Santa's the only white lie these parents have ever told. Parents lie all the time. Usually it's to protect their children or because the kid wants information that can't be comprehended at that age. But no, one lie about Santa and Harry becomes a murderer.<br />
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Pfft, screw Santa, there's the real demonic influence right there. Godzilla and Superman. Superman doesn't gain his strength from his uncut hair! Damn godless comic creators! And <i>God</i>zilla? Those crazy Japanese filmmakers think a lizard is the Almighty! And is that a telescope?! That sounds dangerously scientific!<br />
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Because truly there is no other option between never telling your child the truth about Santa and pissing in his cornflakes on Christmas morning. No middle ground at all.<br />
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Was there really a point to having one panel take place the week before Easter and one panel on Easter morning? It's not like the different times add to the narrative.<br />
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Believe it or not, it is possible to tell your children about the Easter Bunny while still impressing the importance of Jesus's resurrection. My parents did. Again, it's your choice if you don't want to tell your children about Santa <i>et al</i>, but implying that any child told about these things will become a godless heathen murderer is just plain stupid.<br />
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Did someone tell Harry that the Easter Bunny was Jesus? Because why would he come to that conclusion otherwise? When I was a kid, one Sunday the pastor got us all up for the children's sermon and began to describe a person standing behind the door, who was good and kind and all these other things. He wanted us to guess who it was. I'll admit I guessed Jesus, but not because I thought he actually had Jesus standing there. I just couldn't think of anyone else (it was the organist). But never at any point in my horrible heathen upbringing did I think the Easter Bunny or Santa were Jesus.<br />
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Clearly this is one of the "wrong" churches, or Harry would have no interest in these things. That's one of Chick's favorite themes: most churches are actually evil and leading you to Hell. Only I can tell the difference! Buy my stuff!<br />
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I believed in Santa Claus until I was twelve. The older I got, the more crap I got about it from other kids. I certainly never fought or threatened to kill them over it. I just shrugged and thought, <i>More presents for me.</i> And I was a kid who argued easily.<br />
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The premise of this tract is that telling Harry about Santa rather than God has made him grow up without salvation, and thus he's a violent monster, because again, the only thing standing between humans and murder at any point is Jesus. Which is why atheists just walk around stabbing people. Here's the thing: if Harry was as devout about God as he is about Santa, don't you think he'd respond just as violently if his classmates said there was no God?<br />
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Anyway, he's not responsible for his actions as he's obviously possessed. Look at that fire. That or he's spontaneously combusting.<br />
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"Harry has been <b>arrested.</b>" "Well, that just bucks my teeth!" And where is her neck? It's like they merged Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia.<br />
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How, how on <i>Earth</i>, did Harry kill another child on the playground before any adult or classmate could intervene? I know there was a horrible case in the news lately when school bullies killed a classmate during recess, but that was a group ganging up on one kid. Did he just push him into a jungle gym in such a way that his neck instantly snapped?<br />
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A <i style="font-weight: bold;">terrorist</i> act? Really? Sensationalist as the media is, I don't see any way they'd get "terrorist" out of "white student kills another white student over playground argument."<br />
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Apparently, everyone in the Chick universe develops cheekbones that could slice meat once puberty hits.<br />
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"No"? No, don't tie him down for his protection? Just let him run wild and injure himself more? What?<br />
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Again, he killed a kid for calling his parents liars. If the child had said that they were lying about Jesus, how would this have turned out any different? There is something physiologically or psychologically wrong with Harry; most children don't resort to <i>murder</i> as soon as someone calls their parents liars. Why wouldn't whatever's wrong in his brain when it comes to Santa also happen with Jesus?<br />
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Oh, right, because life is perfect for those who are devout to Chick's standards and nothing bad can happen to them ever.<br />
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Why does everyone <i>think</i> their actions in these comics? Gasp! Sob! Gulp! Those aren't things you <i>think</i>, they're things your body does.<br />
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And here's where any shred of logic the comic had dissolves completely. The idea from here on out is that because Harry now rejects God due to his parents lying about Santa, that he becomes a horrible murdering monster. Only, he still believed in God when he killed the child on the playground. So logic equals zero.<br />
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I challenge you, Jack Chick, to find me one, just one, instance where someone became a murderer because their parents told them about Santa. And don't say it's hyperbole; we're talking about a man who literally believes that the Catholic Church has orchestrated everything from the formation of Islam to the assassination of Lincoln.<br />
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And even if it is just hyperbole, I want to point out that if every child who was told about Santa stopped believing in God when they found out it was pretend, then churches would be a lot emptier. Again, if you don't want to tell your child these things because you feel it detracts from your faith, that's your choice. But this is just plain insulting and just plain dumb.<br />
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His face had no real detail until he turned evil. Chick's heroic characters are either bland or unintentionally ugly, but his villains are always drawn as grotesquely and intricately as possible. This is especially apparent with Chick's far more detailed and talented other artist, Fred Carter.<br />
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Chick hates shows like <i>Bewitched</i> for portraying things he considers Satanist, but he sure delights in lurid depictions of evil and sin.<br />
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Aw, c'mon, you can't hold the kid responsible. Look at the massively out of proportion head, the shrunken arm, the sunken-in eyes. Definitely the signs of physical abnormality that affects his brain function. That, or Chick can't draw.<br />
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Yep, just rot in jail for the next ten years. Don't send him to a psychiatric hospital or even have him evaluated by a psychologist - that stuff's just garbage invented to distract us from Jesus. Somehow.<br />
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How incredibly useless must juvenile hall's guards be if they can't stop an eight year old from strangling someone?<br />
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BILLY MAYS HERE WITH ANOTHER FANTASTIC PRODUCT.<br />
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Actually, he looks less like Billy Mays and more like my former Tae Kwon Do instructor. Run, Master Haines! Get out of the tract!<br />
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Wardens hate God now? Hasn't Chick ever watched <i>The Shawshank Redemption</i>?<br />
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"Is Jesus real?" is not a hard question. It's a very simple yes/no question. Even more simple because it comes down to whether or not you have faith.<br />
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Only a <i style="font-weight: bold;">fool</i> wouldn't believe something with no evidence!<br />
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<i>Nobody</i> fucks with the Jesus!<br />
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You know, using the Bible for your definitive proof of Jesus's resurrection is circular reasoning at its finest.<br />
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And no, they didn't all know it was Jesus. Mary Magdalene didn't recognize him at first.<br />
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Whoa, this is Harry at age ten? The hell kind of steroids are they feeding these kids? Are we going to condemn him for failing to accept Jesus in the middle of 'roid rage?<br />
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Most people don't hate Jesus. They hate the terrible things people do in his name or the hypocrisies and hatred of certain organized religions.<br />
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Oh boy. Any time's a good time for a stereotype! We've got an Arab, a Satanist - with ear piercings, even! - a dirty Commie, a witch, and...wait, is that a teacher or an Asian stereotype? I can't tell. And finally, a Jewish anthropologist. Oh Chick. So much to hate, so little time.<br />
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Allow me to translate: When Chick mentions "the religious crowd" ever in regards to Jesus's crucifixion, what he means is "The Jews did it the evil Jews did it Jews Jews Jews!" We don't get much of his Antisemitism in this tract, but trust me, it will become apparent. You could make a drinking game out of how many of his bad guys are terrible Jewish stereotypes.<br />
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Why aren't they capitalizing Heaven? It's a proper noun.<br />
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Well, Jamal sure went from ignorant to fundamentalist fast. That's how it goes in these tracts: either you hear "Jesus died for you" and instantly convert, even if you don't know who Jesus is, or you start foaming at the mouth about your hate for God. No one ever asks for proof of any of this (and no, saying "The Bible says it" does not count). I know that's how it is for some people, but most don't hear John 3:16 and instantly convert.<br />
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You can't see it too much from the front view, but wait for the next page. Harry's sporting a stereotypical Jewish nose now, the clear sign of a monster.<br />
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Remember parents, the mere mention of Santa will make your child into the next Bin Laden! Booga booga! You must instill in them the fear of God and his vengeance upon infidels and - oh wait.<br />
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He loves you so much that he made you a sociopath, and now He's going to burn you in Hell for all eternity for the consequences of being what He made you!<br />
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Everyone who accepts God becomes a clean cut preacher who never does anything bad. See, he even got rid of his cornrows, because cornrows are a sure sign of the devil. Meanwhile, everyone who rejects God ends up on the FBI's Most Wanted. No one's ever murdered or hurt others in the name of God!<br />
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Uh, no scary faceless God, you didn't do everything you could for Harry. You could have tried, I don't know, curing his obvious physiological/psychological damage?<br />
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Well, that's two down. I'd like to say it gets more sensible from here, but that's a lie, and we all know where liars go.<br />
<br />Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-47049138860414480262013-06-02T12:09:00.001-04:002013-06-16T11:52:42.420-04:00Somebody Goofed<i>Somebody Goofed</i> was initially published in either 1966 or 1969 (I've found contrasting sources, and it's possibly even older than that). Despite most of Chick's more moderate comics coming out during this time, it still bears all the classic signs of a Chick tract: making the villains repulsive so we will presumably find their beliefs equally repulsive, dialogue no one would ever say, rabid anti-Christianity, and a sudden turn into madness.<br />
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The description from Chick Publications:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>A young man goofs when he is talked out of receiving Jesus as Saviour.</i></blockquote>
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"We ordered Tickle-Me Elmos, not Tickle-Me demons!"<br />
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Note the tiny copyright text letting us know this is a 2002 reprint. You may think they would take advantage of a reprint and update the dated dialogue, but that is assuming Jack Chick has spoken to another human since 1966, and that is a dangerous assumption to make.<br />
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Bobby's so far gone he can only <i>think</i> "gasp." <br />
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Thank you, random paramedic giving out people's medical information on the street like it ain't no thing! I didn't know the "E" in EMT stood for "exposition."<br />
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"<b>Wow!</b> What a drag!" I can't tell if he's in shock over Bobby's condition or thrilled at the quality of his joint, there.<br />
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Why were all these people standing in a street waiting for this guy to come out on a stretcher, anyway?<br />
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Yep, dude was definitely referring to the quality of his weed. Look at him: he's too blasted to hide it even with a cop right there.<br />
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That girl in the back must be overdosing too, just thinking her sobs like that. <br />
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Uh-oh, Fonzie's an atheist! Careful, Waldo, or you'll have to "sit on it" <b>in Hell!</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLhP2AHhm_JmGfO5LDUO0BEI-FPs64-jRkzgSnoxPxaBZYWztCXXhmNB2qAZzgBCtAJBHCXwIbDRc8ufjKeQLqroCGjYOrCH49Svu0ybhLrpwNMfqgKhsJrGczos7KZ0lUjzHG9eppq-UB/s1600/somebodygoofed4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLhP2AHhm_JmGfO5LDUO0BEI-FPs64-jRkzgSnoxPxaBZYWztCXXhmNB2qAZzgBCtAJBHCXwIbDRc8ufjKeQLqroCGjYOrCH49Svu0ybhLrpwNMfqgKhsJrGczos7KZ0lUjzHG9eppq-UB/s1600/somebodygoofed4.gif" /></a></div>
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So, is it raining, or was Chick just too lazy to draw the background? Must be some strong acid rain if it is precipitation, given the background characters dissolving.<br />
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Here we come to one of the hallmarks of Chick tracts: Mentally competent individuals who've spent their whole lives in Western society, yet who have never heard of God, Jesus, or the concept of an afterlife.<br />
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Fonzie's got a point. Who is this guy, anyway? Was he just waiting around for someone to die so he could proselytize? Must not get to talk to many people if that's what he's waiting for.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZjvZgliJyMk5MQYt2WABGisByoNB5ORcgMQTw0UABb9ij50x4rJd6Ij4S9sJLCVuJeHOqo9xBf62eeYK2Z1NuH5EVIuiPpMAtzqySnms1SdwqGHOaKQnffXO888pFlodq0u5duozgr9HZ/s1600/somebodygoofed5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZjvZgliJyMk5MQYt2WABGisByoNB5ORcgMQTw0UABb9ij50x4rJd6Ij4S9sJLCVuJeHOqo9xBf62eeYK2Z1NuH5EVIuiPpMAtzqySnms1SdwqGHOaKQnffXO888pFlodq0u5duozgr9HZ/s1600/somebodygoofed5.gif" /></a></div>
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A <i>Laugh-In</i> reference. They reprinted this in 2002 and decided, "Eh, the audience will still understand a <i>Laugh-In</i> reference." Do I even need to mock that decision?<br />
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"<i><b>HEY</b></i><b> - </b>At the time of the original publication, I would have grown up during the ecumenical expansion and evangelical boom of the 1950s! I've <i>never</i> heard <i>anything</i> like this before!"<br />
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Everyone who is proselytized in the Chick universe immediately stops to listen, even if they start yelling at the witness. No one ever asks why they should believe this, or if there's any proof. Apparently, the only atheists in this world are the people who don't know what Jesus is.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiRcUHwbuxsO_O-gQ6Au8sSskvZXXLxP6iOiOQ3T_PJXSJnpvHGVOGHJLQbQHhlVFuFHNVDPn57DJowEDXq4F1J44i3UOvYL6IC-sNl4S8fv79QyDLMcNkkbRCG_cRFcf5-46FGHXHcf2p/s1600/somebodygoofed6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiRcUHwbuxsO_O-gQ6Au8sSskvZXXLxP6iOiOQ3T_PJXSJnpvHGVOGHJLQbQHhlVFuFHNVDPn57DJowEDXq4F1J44i3UOvYL6IC-sNl4S8fv79QyDLMcNkkbRCG_cRFcf5-46FGHXHcf2p/s1600/somebodygoofed6.gif" /></a></div>
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Why is this guy sweating so much? I get the feeling our antagonist is supposed to come off as intimidating and hostile, but the artwork makes it look like the Fonz is all "AYYY, God loves everybody!" and the witness is just extremely insecure about defending his beliefs.<br />
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"The Fatherhood of God and the Brotherhood of Man." If you aren't familiar with this - and you probably aren't - it's a Freemason concept. At least, according to the fundamentalist conspiracy sites I've found online. I couldn't find any source from the Masons themselves. Guess Baphomet must have covered it up.<br />
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Chick tracts operate on the grade school logic that if you think a person's a jerk, you'll also hate his beliefs. This might be understandable in the tracts targeting grade schoolers, but it becomes a lot stupider when the adult tracts act as if we can't recognize that we might share some views with a repugnant person. Sadly, there are probably people out there thick enough that this tactic works.<br />
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In Fonzie's defense, he doesn't have anywhere else to blow his smoke in this giant void.<br />
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"<span class="text 1John-4-12" id="en-KJV-30616"><b>No man hath seen God at any time</b>. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us." - 1 John 4:12, KJV</span><br />
<span class="text 1John-4-12" id="en-KJV-30616"><br /></span>
<span class="text 1John-4-12" id="en-KJV-30616">"</span><span class="text Exod-24-9" id="en-KJV-2187">Then went up Moses, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel: </span><br />
<span class="text Exod-24-10" id="en-KJV-2188"><b>And they saw the God of
Israel</b>: and there was under his feet as it were a paved work of a
sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in his clearness." - Exodus 24:9-10, KJV</span><br />
<span class="text Heb-11-5" id="en-KJV-30178"><br /></span>
<span class="text Heb-11-5" id="en-KJV-30178">Yes, I'm aware theologians and apologists have come up with explanations for contradictory statements such as these. But I highly doubt if you presented those verse to your average person handing out Chick tracts that they'd be able to explain it.</span><br />
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<span class="text Heb-11-5" id="en-KJV-30178">What is with the facial expressions? The fundamentalist appears to be staring at Fonzie's back in outrage, Waldo wants to hear more but his eye line makes it look like he's glaring at the witness in disgust, and the Fonz appears to be yawning. Late night at Arnold's, Fonzie?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7_lUL7tXEcUmWRlP8HnJYx09NPJS9weweEqm6qynx9mws872fJH2NwIOeUuwPz-TkX7inwwDPA7t8d8xNc0Poq0xc-9kH2d56g_lmDPrfB5XcBy00nI3pbJSvOPzi-ixUJLuVDuVeJui3/s1600/somebodygoofed9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7_lUL7tXEcUmWRlP8HnJYx09NPJS9weweEqm6qynx9mws872fJH2NwIOeUuwPz-TkX7inwwDPA7t8d8xNc0Poq0xc-9kH2d56g_lmDPrfB5XcBy00nI3pbJSvOPzi-ixUJLuVDuVeJui3/s1600/somebodygoofed9.gif" /></a></div>
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Waldo better hurry and accept Christ as his savior before the featureless acid rain void swallows them up. It's already wiped out whatever used to be across that street.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibmfaTUSDk_VLsKcCXUgrrCew37HvbNC78ukj3s-ReJBQya0n0xl6X_S4ktMkLXvmYRojQ5zh6wD-lFAU7JSSsRwz-6ssm9V6IKu1-3G8g_YeN1EgY38MBP3EHzTTTFP5fYsRFGRxjP9ce/s1600/somebodygoofed10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibmfaTUSDk_VLsKcCXUgrrCew37HvbNC78ukj3s-ReJBQya0n0xl6X_S4ktMkLXvmYRojQ5zh6wD-lFAU7JSSsRwz-6ssm9V6IKu1-3G8g_YeN1EgY38MBP3EHzTTTFP5fYsRFGRxjP9ce/s1600/somebodygoofed10.gif" /></a></div>
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Fonzie's Spider-Sense is tingling!<br />
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"Your religion is <i><b>outdated</b></i><b> </b>and one of <u><i><b>fear</b></i></u>!" Oh boy. Oooooooh boy. Keep that in mind for some absolutely delicious irony later on.<br />
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You know, when people get offended by Christianity, it tends to be about things like using the Bible as an excuse to condemn homosexuals, interracial marriage, divorcees, feminists, etc. Very rarely, outside of say, douchebags on the Internet looking for a fight, will you find anyone who starts foaming at the mouth when someone says "Accept Jesus as your Lord and savior to get to heaven." Most atheists would just roll their eyes at that.<br />
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In Jack Chick's fantasy world, Christians are the world's most hated minority. I get a sense that Chick loves to be persecuted. Martyr complex much?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGQArO8bR8C18Nf9jKhMDSo163GcrzTm6x5rL8nHPpWcjGhsBIXxVNHkW9tLltdKiAbe4l4yzuUHFBgCtkTDWxfxIEb2jLguV2ul9CiyPwZufg2PMtzPuTdkjIHZlK_h1Hc9jmsiwFUeZ-/s1600/somebodygoofed11.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGQArO8bR8C18Nf9jKhMDSo163GcrzTm6x5rL8nHPpWcjGhsBIXxVNHkW9tLltdKiAbe4l4yzuUHFBgCtkTDWxfxIEb2jLguV2ul9CiyPwZufg2PMtzPuTdkjIHZlK_h1Hc9jmsiwFUeZ-/s1600/somebodygoofed11.gif" /></a></div>
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Wait a second - is he giving Waldo a Chick tract? This is getting all kinds of meta. Remember kids, Chick tracts are the only way to gain salvation!<br />
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The argument the fundamentalist is using here is known as Pascal's wager. There are a number of problems with this argument, but I'll just go into two: 1) This argument assumes that the religion the person using it is pushing is the correct one. If you accept Christ, die, and find out Odin's the one running the show, you've still gained nothing. 2) Faith is not something that can be justified through science and logic, and nor should it be. That's why it's faith. Accepting a deity just so you can go "eh, if it's true I won't end up in hell" isn't really faith at all.<br />
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2500 years from now? Is that an arbitrary number or is that when the fundamentalist predicts the Second Coming?<br />
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All that stands between humanity and assaulting anyone with a difference of opinion is Jesus, apparently. That's why Waldo there is beating up his friend for interrupting the conversation. Oh wait.<br />
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What are those rectangles hovering the air around the fundamentalist's action bubble? Did he hit him so hard all the Monopoly money went flying out of his pockets?<br />
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I like how each word of "<b><i><u>I'VE</u> <u>HAD</u> <u>IT</u>!" </i></b>is separately underlined. I picture the Fonz slamming into him three times, like punctuation. "I've-" wham "had-" wham "it!" wham!<br />
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We're supposed to feel insulted that he called the Gospel propaganda, but Chick himself admits the idea for these comic tracts came from comics praising Chairman Mao that were distributed in China. Of course, he also claims that propaganda was stolen from American comic books, because Americans were the only ones who ever thought of putting words and pictures together.<br />
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"I've got <u>all</u> the answers!" Other tracts make it clear that Chick believes atheists use science as a religion, saying that they can't question it and it has all the answers. This is the exact opposite of actual skeptic behavior.<br />
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"It'll make you mentally sick!" And physically sick, because if I catch you reading it, you're getting an elbow to the kidneys too!"<br />
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<i><b>HAW HAW!</b></i> Clearly the laugh of an evil mastermind.<br />
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Drive, Waldo, drive! Get away from the void before you're assimilated!<br />
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Wait, follow the Ten Commandments? I thought he said Christianity was outdated and a religion of fear, but he still puts stock in the Ten Commandments? I can't tell if it this is Chick failing to understand what an atheist is again, or this weird pet belief of his that most churches teach some of the Bible, but none of that God or Jesus stuff.<br />
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Oh good, the backgrounds are back. They're safe now.<br />
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Or are they?<br />
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So...were there not any little automatic gates to stop you from driving on the tracks when a train was coming in the sixties? Actually, probably not. Seatbelts were considered optional back then, weren't they?<br />
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You know, if he's stupid enough to believe he has a chance of making it, then this is just natural selection at work. Oh, I forgot. Natural selection is a trick of the devil. Well, see all the rest of you heathens when I end up in Hell for bringing it up.<br />
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No, no, you can't race a train in a car! You have to jump over it on skis, like it's a shark! Arthur Fonzarelli, what are you thinking? <br />
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<b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948" target="_blank">David Caruso</a></b>, what are you doing here?<br />
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So is this the part where they wake up in Leonardo DiCaprio's living room and Mal starts chopping tomatoes and says they're still asleep?<br />
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One of the many contradictions of Chick tracts are the depictions of the afterlife. Here, we see the dead going to a temporary place of holding while they await judgement. But sometimes, they die and go straight into Hell, and sometimes they die and are immediately judged by God. So three different portrayals, and only one can be correct if we adhere to Chick's <i>sola scriptorum</i> interpretation method. Which means two of them are lies. You know that no liar will enter the kingdom of Heaven, right Jack?<br />
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Oh, that Fonzie. Leading teens into Hell. What a scamp.<br />
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"Of course not! You've become a featureless black void! Now you're doomed to an eternity of standing on public restroom signs!"<br />
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Hey, kid, look on the bright side. Now we'll have a "Where's Waldo in Hell" book, and that'll make for all kinds of spectacular visuals.<br />
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On the downside, it's going to be a lot harder to find Waldo once his clothes and hair burn off.<br />
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Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.<br />
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"<i>No</i>, little buddy -- <u><b>I</b></u> wasn't wrong! I've had so many chemical peels that my brain's completely deteriorated and my face is falling off! God can't hold me responsible for that! You don't know how hard it is, nearing middle age, all but living in a bathroom, and hanging out with teenagers! The pressure, the unbearable pressure!"<br />
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THANK YOU MARIO, BUT OUR SALVATION IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE.<br />
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Not a religion of fear, eh Chick?<br />
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If Fonzie's the devil, does that mean Ron Howard's going to Hell? <br />
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And the moral is: if a demon tricks you, it's entirely your fault. That's why Jesus never cast a legion of demons out of that man, He just said "You're on your own, man. Should have known better than to get possessed."<br />
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And that's a Chick tract, people. This is one of the less extreme examples of Chick's brand of fundamentalist scaremongering, but trust me, it only gets crazier and far more offensive from here.Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3908571680807790542.post-7079605807456604232013-06-02T10:03:00.000-04:002013-06-02T15:58:34.618-04:00Jack Chick: An Introduction to Insanity<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was 2007.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
behind the counter at the movie theater, watching the minutes tick by until
people would come in for the next showing and there’d be something to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The counters were wiped down, drinks and
candy restocked, new batches of popcorn whirring in the machines, the lobby vacuumed
– everything was taken care of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
was nothing to do and nothing to talk about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That is, until Amy came back from cleaning up trash in the
parking lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’d found two little
comic books, three inches high and five inches wide, twenty pages each.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One bore a yellow cover and the title <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Little Bride</i>, the other, a purple
cover reading <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kidnapped!.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>She’d glanced at them briefly outside and
decided they had to be brought in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
boy, was she right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spent so much
time staring at them that our boss had to give us a lecture on focusing on our
jobs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are some of the many lessons I learned just from those
two comics:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If the police catch you beating your husband with household
items, you won’t be charged or even have an official warning so long as you
promise to go back to church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
the same police officer will pull you over for driving over the double yellow
line on the road just once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children
walking home alone will be immediately kidnapped, but children walking to a
stranger’s house without their parents in the morning to talk about religion
will be just fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The prophet Muhammad
was a pedophile, and living in a different time period is no excuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are “magic words” that will make you a
Muslim forever if you say them even once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When you pray, God speaks directly to you through a ray of light and
provides advice that you should have had the common sense to figure out
already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Metaphors do not exist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And most importantly, shouting “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">GOD’S GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS!</b>” at
your kidnapper will drive him into a panic.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wouldn’t learn until a few days later, when we had free
time in English class and I did some Googling, that I’d been introduced to
Chick tracts:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>little comics containing
evangelical messages put out by fundamentalist writer/artist Jack T.
Chick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are anti-evolution,
anti-rock and roll, anti-ecumenical movement, anti-homosexuality, anti-Santa,
anti-everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chick, who is reclusive and mostly a figure of mystery,
published his first tract, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why No
Revival?</i>, in 1961.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since that time,
Chick Publications – classified as <b><a href="http://www.splcenter.org/node/105/activegroups">an active hate group</a></b>
by the Southern Poverty Law Center – has produced over 230 comic tracts in
addition to other books and films, and printed over 800 million tracts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jack Chick is the most published comic author
in the world.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s also completely batshit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chick tracts have developed a cult following among non-fundamentalists
for their ludicrous plotlines, terrible art, stilted dialogue, contradictions, and
their poorly researched, often offensive themes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The tracts are meant to be passed on
indefinitely, with a person reading one, accepting Christ as their savior, and
handing it off to another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, many
people collect them for their entertainment value, and it’s easy to see why.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are a number of hilarious websites dedicated to
dissecting Chick tracts panel by panel, such as <b><a href="http://enterthejabberwock.com/category/dissections/jack-chick/">Enter the
Jabberwock</a></b>, <b><a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/">Holeee Cow</a></b>, and <b><a href="http://tracts.boolean-union.com/">Boolean Union</a></b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve enjoyed both their dissections and the
ridiculous tracts themselves for years, and want to throw my hat in the ring of
mockery, beginning with one of the oldest, most well-known tracts, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Somebody Goofed.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a disclaimer, I don’t care what anyone’s religious
beliefs (or lack thereof) are, so long as they’re not trying to force those
beliefs (or lack thereof) on others, trying to make their views on theology
into law, or using their views as an excuse for discrimination and hatred.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The point of these dissections will not be to
mock or attempt to disprove Christianity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The point of these dissections is to laugh at the absurdity and point
out the flawed logic.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So sit back, grab the popcorn, and enter the nightmare world
of Jack T. Chick.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Lauralothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00229299534402963626noreply@blogger.com2